Excerpt From A Coaching Letter - By David B. Wolf I think it important to realize, at least philosophically, that, yes, in a moment I can choose to let go of decades, maybe lifetimes, of conditioning, and thereby change. While acknowledging Read more
LIVING WITH URGENCY: A Strategy for Freedom From Anxiety
An excerpt from a Life Mastery Program (LMP) group coaching call conducted by David Wolf, Ph.D. David: “On our first call we spoke about living our lives so that when we’re a hundred years old we look back without regrets. Read more
A QUESTION ON SACRIFICE
Certainly “sacrifice” has an onerous connotation. Still, I think that, essentially, I consider “sacrifice” in the same sense as “giving”, without much distinction. So, if I’m out of balance, then my giving isn’t truly giving, because it will drain energy somewhere along the line.
SUSPEND COMPARISONS
It sounds to me like you’re judging yourself, harshly, for the relationship you have with your mother. I suggest that comparing it to what you term a ‘normal’ relationship may not be particularly productive, or healthy. Perhaps a helpful starting point will be to accept your relationship with your mother for what it is, without judging it, without putting expectations on it…
ASSERTIVENESS TRAINING COACHING LETTER
“Assertive” doesn’t mean abrasive or offensive. It means you being connected with who you are and asserting that. Also it means detached. Assertiveness is not merely a skill; it’s intrinsic to a life of integrity…
OPEN & HONEST
“…I hear that it is important for you to be open and honest with your mother. My suggestion, then, is to be open and honest with her. Be that way. And, respect and honor her for however she chooses to respond. She might be so appreciative, touched, and inspired. She might become angry, or hurt. I suggest that you take full responsibility for being open and honest. Your openness and honesty is 0% dependent on your mother, and 100% dependent on you. Go into this without expectations…”
David B. Wolf
SIMPLICITY
Regarding the distinction between simplicity and simplistic … I relate it to the difference between childlike and childish. Simplicity and being childlike are sattvic, conscious, full awareness with a sense of wonder and discovery. Simplistic is neglecting to acknowledge and adequately consider the complexities of a situation. The spiritual quality of “simple” recognizes and addresses life’s complexities, without becoming jaded, cynical, or lost and entangled.
David B. Wolf
EXCELLENCE & PERFECTION
“Demanding perfection assumes some external standard and definition of perfection. Such a mentality, combined with ourselves and the world not conforming to this standard, is the source of a variety of distressing emotional and cognitive states. A consciousness of striving for excellence perceives perfection in the process of life itself as it unfolds and manifests, without needing to adhere to some externally defined conception of perfection. Striving for excellence is consistent with giving fully, be-do-have, and all the strategies for living. In such a consciousness we naturally support and challenge ourselves and others to ever-higher and deeper levels of character and performance.”
UNDERLYING NEEDS
“I think that payoffs point to, or indicate, needs. Like, beneath judgment, and the avoidance of responsibility, might be a need to feel safe, and secure, a need to feel worthy and valuable. Of course the blame game is not an effective means to meet such needs, but it may be an attempt to do so. Reactively judging others, putting them in neat little boxes, can be an attempt to protect myself, to provide myself the illusion that I am controlling, and understanding. In reality my fears are controlling me, and I am closing myself off to deeper understanding. By blaming you, making you wrong, I get to feel right, superior. This is a shadow attempt to satisfy needs for self-worth.”
