Posts Tagged ‘Conflict Resolution’
EMPATHY DIFFUSES HOSTILITY
Excerpt From Relationships That Work: The Power Of Conscious Living
- By David B. Wolf
In my communication seminars I am often asked about diffusing hostility. An empathic response is the most powerful means for diffusing aggressiveness. In the mid-nineties I worked as a children and family counselor for the State of Florida Department of Foster Care. On one occasion an enraged father stormed into my office. “How could you tell the judge to keep my kid in foster care!?” Many responses were available to me. I could have yelled back, perhaps referring to his continued substance abuse or his irresponsibility in fulfilling his performance agreement. This would have likely escalated his fury. Or I could have calmly explained to him what he could do to get his child returned, which was the outcome that both of us desired. I began with empathy, matching his intensity. “I know you are furious with me. You’re upset that I recommended to the judge to keep your child in foster care for another three months.” He continued his tirade, and I continued my attempts at showing my understanding of what he expressed. I would not say that at any point in this conversation did this person develop a liking for me. However, after a few minutes he did sense that I was not his enemy, and that I cared about him and his son. His anger diffused through empathic listening and we were able to have a civilized and productive dialogue, during which I did share with him information about what he could do to accelerate the process of his child’s return. Once he knew that I cared, he began to care what I knew.
My wife and I once attended a lecture on Vedic spirituality, the theme of which was transferring consciousness from ahankara to atman. Ahankara refers to our false, materially based identifications, such as “I am white,” “I am fifty-two years old,” or “I am Peruvian.” Atman refers to identification with our true spiritual identity. On the ride home my wife shared an exchange she had had that day with a doctor, in her capacity as a nurse who inserts intravenous lines. The doctor had ordered a line inserted in a patient although Miriam, noticing various signs and symptoms indicating that it would not be medically advisable to do so, decided not to.
Doctor: I ordered the line put in!
Miriam: I see you’re very upset because I didn’t put in the line.
Doctor: Who the hell do you think you are!? I gave my orders and it’s not done!
Miriam: I know you’re really angry with me because I didn’t follow your orders about this.
Doctor: Yeah, that’s right. I’ve got so much to do and I wrote the instructions. I made it clear!
Miriam: I know you’re very pressured, under so much strain, and it’s so annoying for you that I didn’t put in the line. It’s extra anxiety—just what you didn’t need today.
Doctor: That’s right. How come you didn’t put in the line?
Miriam explained her reasons and they engaged in calm, rational dialogue about the best course of action for the patient. After describing this interaction to me, Miriam said of the doctor, “He went from ahankara to atman.”
A particularly challenging occasion for reflective listening arises when acrimony is directed toward us by persons with whom we are in a close relationship. A student once wrote the following to me: “One area that I find is very relevant for workshop participants …is the difficulty of doing empathic listening when a spouse or person very close to us is saying something that we totally disagree with. I once made great sacrifices for my wife and then she told me she didn’t like what I did and her reasons were totally uninformed. At that point I couldn’t imagine doing empathic listening. I was so upset I just screamed. It’s one of the most needed and most challenging times to do empathic listening.”
I replied: “I hear your challenge and frustration. It is relatively easy to empathize and reflect when the hostility, anger and resentment are directed toward some third party. When it’s directed toward us it is especially challenging to be sattvic, non-reactive, empathic and compassionate. It is particularly difficult in those instances, and also especially important. When we are able to notice our anger, pain or fear without giving our power to them, and to instead sincerely endeavor to understand the other person, before expressing what we want to say, we create the climate in these close and intimate relationships that we truly desire.”
At the start of the second day of a five-day seminar, a woman who was attending shared her experience from the previous night, after the first day of the seminar when we had covered empathic listening. “My son was in the bath and wanted to play with a particular bottle of liquid soap. I knew this soap would hurt his eyes and wouldn’t allow it. In the past this sort of scene would lead to an escalation of anger, affecting us, and the household, for at least a full day if not longer. ‘No, you can’t have it!’ ‘I want it!’ ‘I said no! Put it down!’ Instead I thought I’ll use the skills we learned that day in the workshop. ‘You’re really angry at mommy for not letting you play with that soap!’ ‘Yes, I want it!’ ‘I know you really wish you could have that bottle, and you’re mad at me because I won’t let you.’ ‘That’s right. I am.’ I couldn’t believe it. After about a minute the episode was over. His anger was gone, and we enjoyed each other’s company.”
Studies in labor-management discussions demonstrate that it takes half the time to achieve conflict resolution when all parties agree to accurately repeat what the previous speaker has said before responding. To do this requires sattvic consciousness, where we are attentive and sufficiently patient to mirror the other person’s statement, before saying our piece. Especially when we are in conflict with the other party, it requires substantial non-attachment to utilize reflective empathy and avoid roadblocks. Frequently in workshops I hear, “But David, using these techniques takes much longer.” My response is, “Yes, maybe it does. In the short run.” Sattvic communication may take longer up front. However, in the long run it avoids the anxieties and problems created by roadblock-filled tamasic and rajasic communication. For instance, we might spend more time in mirroring and empathic listening so that we understand an employee; his satisfaction though results in a more pleasant work environment where people want to stay. This in turn is likely to lead to higher efficiency and an increase in productivity.
Real Life Personal Transformation: A Satvatove Before and After Experience
Hear and see Stephanie before and after participating in the Satvatove Institute 34-hour Transformative Communication and Self-Empowerment Seminar.
Foundational, S. California – June 24 – 26, 2011
Reconnect With Dr. David Wolf’s Workshop
At Master of Influence
Dr. David Wolf has been invited to facilitate the 32-hour Satvatove
Foundational Seminar in San Diego, June 24 – 26, 2011. We are opening this
course to those who participated in David’s presentation at the Master of Influence,
and who have been inspired by his book, Relationships That Work: The Power of
Conscious Living. This is a unique opportunity to take Dr. Wolf’s renowned
seminar in California. See below for more information and to register
TRANSFORMATIVE COMMUNICATION
& SELF–EMPOWERMENT EXPERIENCE
June 24-26, 2011
Developed & Facilitated By: David Wolf, Ph.D.
Spend An Unforgettable Weekend!
Focus On Your Personal Development,
Communication & Relationships
Because It Is Short Notice You Get The Special
Discount Usually Offered Only In Florida
Register Now & Get A 40% Discount
Bring A Friend Or Partner For Only $200
Come To The Satvatove Foundational Seminar To:
Transform potential into results!
Break through self-imposed limitations!
Discover strategies for vitalizing yourself to create a fulfilling life with extraordinary results.
Learn communication and relationship principles and techniques that will last a lifetime and that will grow with you.
Walk away with skills and insights you can apply immediately in all your relationships- with your partner, children, colleagues and yourself.
What Would It Mean For You To Substantially Improve Your Relationships, With Yourself And Others?
Take advantage of the unique opportunity of the Satvatove Foundational Seminar! This is a 3-day adventure in daring communication and bold exploration to interior frontiers.
Here you will acquire a full relationship toolbox, including listening tools as a basis for modules including interpersonal skills, conflict resolution, teamwork, and assertiveness.
Through participatory activities you will examine underlying assumptions by which you live your life. This is a concentrated, powerful communication training, culminating in sharpened self-awareness and satisfying relationships.
Are You Eager To Experience Life With Increased Fullness And Inspiration?
“This Satvatove seminar in Gainesville, Florida, just in my back yard, was better than any seminars I have taken in New York or LA. After taking it, I felt empowered, and did transform my relationships with my parents, my partner, and my colleagues at work. I am now able to create trust. I am now moving on with my life and I do not get caught up in the drama.”
– Helen Robert, Teacher
In this seminar you will experience an atmosphere of trust and security allowing you the space to explore meaningful issues. David and Marie’s unwavering empathy and compassionate, astute perceptions provide a safe, supportive environment for students to challenge themselves to create significant breakthroughs.
“The seminar is expertly organized without a dull moment. Dr. Wolf creates a safe environment in which I could explore my emotional needs and step out of a sometimes overly analytical approach to life. I am able to relate more meaningfully to loved ones, colleagues and acquaintances. Every attendee in my seminar was moved and awakened by this excellent experience.”
– Bob Cohen, Geologist
How Satisfied Are You With Your Present Life Situation, And How Willing Are You To Try Something Different?
To Read More Testimonials About The Foundational Course Click Here.
Download Brochure.
Course Information:
Date: June 24 – 26, 2011
Where: San Diego, California
Course hours: 9 am to 9 pm (ending time approximate)
1.5-hour lunch break each day
Tuition: $950.00
Tuition includes: 32-hour seminar, 1-hour personal coaching interview, and course workbook.
Scholarships, Group Discounts and Payment plans are available.
Because It Is Short Notice You Get The Special
Discount Usually Offered Only In Florida
Register Now & Get A 40% Discount- Pay Only $570
Bring A Friend Or Partner For Only $200
100% SATISFACTION GUARANTEED!
If you are not satisfied you can request in writing a refund of the tuition
within 24 hours of the end of the seminar.
For Further Information, Contact Us:
386.462.1438; seminars@satvatove.com
SATTVIC COMMUNICATION IN CONFLICT
Excerpt From Relationships That Work: The Power Of Conscious Living
- By David B. Wolf
A particularly challenging occasion for reflective listening arises when acrimony is directed toward us by persons with whom we are in a close relationship. A student once wrote the following to me: “One area that I find is very relevant for workshop participants …is the difficulty of doing empathic listening when a spouse or person very close to us is saying something that we totally disagree with. I once made great sacrifices for my wife and then she told me she didn’t like what I did and her reasons were totally uninformed. At that point I couldn’t imagine doing empathic listening. I was so upset I just screamed. It’s one of the most needed and most challenging times to do empathic listening.”
I replied: “I hear your challenge and frustration. It is relatively easy to empathize and reflect when the hostility, anger and resentment are directed toward some third party. When it’s directed toward us it is especially challenging to be sattvic, non-reactive, empathic and compassionate. It is particularly difficult in those instances, and also especially important. When we are able to notice our anger, pain or fear without giving our power to them, and to instead sincerely endeavor to understand the other person, before expressing what we want to say, we create the climate in these close and intimate relationships that we truly desire.”
At the start of the second day of a five-day seminar, a woman who was attending shared her experience from the previous night, after the first day of the seminar when we had covered empathic listening. “My son was in the bath and wanted to play with a particular bottle of liquid soap. I knew this soap would hurt his eyes and wouldn’t allow it. In the past this sort of scene would lead to an escalation of anger, affecting us, and the household, for at least a full day if not longer. ‘No, you can’t have it!’ ‘I want it!’ ‘I said no! Put it down!’ Instead I thought I’ll use the skills we learned that day in the workshop. ‘You’re really angry at mommy for not letting you play with that soap!’ ‘Yes, I want it!’ ‘I know you really wish you could have that bottle, and you’re mad at me because I won’t let you.’ ‘That’s right. I am.’ I couldn’t believe it. After about a minute the episode was over. His anger was gone, and we enjoyed each other’s company.”
Studies in labor-management discussions demonstrate that it takes half the time to achieve conflict resolution when all parties agree to accurately repeat what the previous speaker has said before responding.17 To do this requires sattvic consciousness, where we are attentive and sufficiently patient to mirror the other person’s statement, before saying our piece. Especially when we are in conflict with the other party, it requires substantial non-attachment to utilize reflective empathy and avoid roadblocks. Frequently in workshops I hear, “But David, using these techniques takes much longer.” My response is, “Yes, maybe it does. In the short run.” Sattvic communication may take longer up front. However, in the long run it avoids the anxieties and problems created by roadblock-filled tamasic and rajasic communication. For instance, we might spend more time in mirroring and empathic listening so that we understand an employee; his satisfaction though results in a more pleasant work environment where people want to stay. This in turn is likely to lead to higher efficiency and an increase in productivity.
Dependency
“When we are depending on the person with whom we are in conflict, both need and conflict are compounded. Love-hate overreactions, fight or flight tendencies, withdrawal, aggressiveness, bitterness, resentment, and cold competition are some of the usual results.”
S. Covey
#1- Introduction
In this introductory video to the 7 principles for fulfilling relationships video series, you will be given the foundational understanding which the following video lessons in the series are built on.
Foundational – February 24–26, 2012
TRANSFORMATIVE COMMUNICATION & SELF–EMPOWERMENT EXPERIENCE
FEBRUARY 24 – 26, 2012
Developed & Facilitated By: David Wolf, Ph.D. and Marie Glasheen
Spend An Unforgettable Weekend!
Focus On Your Personal Development,
Communication & Relationships
Florida Special
Register Now & Get A 40% Discount
Bring A Friend Or Partner For Only $200
“Potential means you ain’t done it yet. ”
Darrell Royal
Come To The Satvatove Foundational Seminar To:
Transform potential into results!
Break through self-imposed limitations!
Discover strategies for vitalizing yourself to create a fulfilling life with extraordinary results.
Learn communication and relationship principles and techniques that will last a lifetime and that will grow with you.
Walk away with skills and insights you can apply immediately in all your relationships- with your partner, children, colleagues and yourself.
What would it mean for you to substantially improve your relationships, with yourself and others?
Take advantage of the unique opportunity of the Satvatove Foundational Seminar! This is a 3-day adventure in daring communication and bold exploration to interior frontiers.
Here you will acquire a full relationship toolbox, including listening tools as a basis for modules including interpersonal skills, conflict resolution, teamwork, and assertiveness.
Through participatory activities you will examine underlying assumptions by which you live your life. This is a concentrated, powerful communication training, culminating in sharpened self-awareness and satisfying relationships.
Are you eager to experience life with increased fullness and inspiration?
“This Satvatove seminar in Gainesville, Florida, just in my back yard, was better than any seminars I have taken in New York or LA. After taking it, I felt empowered, and did transform my relationships with my parents, my partner, and my colleagues at work. I am now able to create trust. I am now moving on with my life and I do not get caught up in the drama.“
- Helen Robert, Teacher
In this seminar you will experience an atmosphere of trust and security allowing you the space to explore meaningful issues. David and Marie’s unwavering empathy and compassionate, astute perceptions provide a safe, supportive environment for students to challenge themselves to create significant breakthroughs.
“The seminar is expertly organized without a dull moment. Dr. Wolf creates a safe environment in which I could explore my emotional needs and step out of a sometimes overly analytical approach to life. I am able to relate more meaningfully to loved ones, colleagues and acquaintances. Every attendee in my seminar was moved and awakened by this excellent experience.”
– Bob Cohen, Geologist
How satisfied are you with your present life situation, and how willing are you to try something different?
To Read More Testimonials About The Foundational Course Click Here.
Download Brochure.
Course Information:
Date: February 24 – 26, 2012
Where: North Florida
Course hours: 9 am to 9 pm (ending time approximate)
1.5-hour lunch break each day
Tuition: $950.00
Tuition includes: 32-hour seminar, 1-hour personal coaching interview, and course workbook.
Scholarships, Group Discounts and Payment plans are available.
Florida Special
Register Now & Get A 40% Discount – Pay Only $570
Bring A Friend Or Partner For Only $200
100% SATISFACTION GUARANTEED!If you are not satisfied you can request in writing a refund of the tuition within 24 hours of the end of the seminar. |
For Further Information Contact:
Peter Sessler
- petercsessler@gmail.com / 352-425-5622
Foundational, Gainesville – Oct 22-24, 2010
Transformative Communication
& Self–Empowerment Experience
October 22 – 24, 2010
Developed By: David Wolf, Ph.D. and Marie Glasheen
Facilitated By David Wolf, Ph. D.,
Author of Relationships That Work:
The Power Of Conscious Living
Florida Special – 50% Off
You’ll discover strategies for vitalizing yourself to create a fulfilling life with extraordinary results.
This is a 3-day adventure in daring communication and bold exploration to realize your strength, abilities, and potential for growth.
Walk Away With Skills And Insights You Can Apply Immediately.
Learn Techniques That Will Last A Lifetime.
Take advantage of this unique opportunity. In this course you will acquire listening tools as a basis for modules including interpersonal skills, conflict resolution, teamwork, and assertiveness.
Through participatory activities you will examine underlying assumptions by which you live your life. This is a concentrated, powerful communication training, culminating in sharpened self-awareness and satisfying relationships.
Read More About The Foundational Course.
To Read Testimonials About The Course Click Here.
Download Brochure
Course Information
Date: October 22 – 24, 2010
Where: Gainesville, Florida
Course hours: 9 am to 9 pm (ending time approximate)
1.5-hour lunch break each day
Tuition includes: 32-hour seminar, 1-hour personal coaching interview, and course workbook.
Tuition: $ 950.00
Scholarships, Group and Early Registration Discounts and Payment plans are available.
100% SATISFACTION GUARANTEED!
If you are not satisfied you can request in writing a refund of the tuition within 24 hours of the end of the seminar.
Florida Special – 50% Off
Foundational, Gainesville – Oct 21-23, 2011
Transformative Communication & Self–Empowerment Experience
October 21 – 23, 2011
Developed & Facilitated By: David Wolf, Ph.D. and Marie Glasheen
Florida Special
Register Now & Get A 40% Discount
Bring A Friend Or Partner For Only $200
Come To The Satvatove Foundational Seminar To:
Transform potential into results.
Break through self-imposed limitations!
Discover strategies for vitalizing yourself to create a fulfilling life with extraordinary results.
Learn communication and relationship principles and techniques that will last a lifetime and that will grow with you.
Walk away with skills and insights you can apply immediately in all your relationships- with your partner, children, colleagues and yourself.
What would it mean for you to substantially improve your relationships, with yourself and others?
Take advantage of the unique opportunity of the Satvatove Foundational Seminar! This is a 3-day adventure in daring communication and bold exploration to interior frontiers.
Here you will acquire a full relationship toolbox, including listening tools as a basis for modules including interpersonal skills, conflict resolution, teamwork, and assertiveness.
Through participatory activities you will examine underlying assumptions by which you live your life. This is a concentrated, powerful communication training, culminating in sharpened self-awareness and satisfying relationships.
Are you eager to experience life with increased fullness and inspiration?
“This Satvatove seminar in Gainesville, Florida, just in my back yard, was better than any seminars I have taken in New York or LA. After taking it, I felt empowered, and did transform my relationships with my parents, my partner, and my colleagues at work. I am now able to create trust. I am now moving on with my life and I do not get caught up in the drama.“
- Helen Robert, Teacher
In this seminar you will experience an atmosphere of trust and security allowing you the space to explore meaningful issues. David and Marie’s unwavering empathy and compassionate, astute perceptions provide a safe, supportive environment for students to challenge themselves to create significant breakthroughs.
“The seminar is expertly organized without a dull moment. Dr. Wolf creates a safe environment in which I could explore my emotional needs and step out of a sometimes overly analytical approach to life. I am able to relate more meaningfully to loved ones, colleagues and acquaintances. Every attendee in my seminar was moved and awakened by this excellent experience.”
– Bob Cohen, Geologist
How satisfied are you with your present life situation, and how willing are you to try something different?
To Read More Testimonials About The Foundational Course Click Here.
Download Brochure.
Course Information
Date: October 21 – 23, 2011
Where: Alachua / Gainesville, Florida
Course hours: 9 am to 9:30 pm (ending time approximate)
1.5-hour lunch break each day
Tuition Fees: $950
Tuition includes: 32-hour seminar, 1-hour personal coaching interview, and course workbook.
Scholarships, Group and Early Registration Discounts and Payment plans are available.
Florida Special
Register Now & Get A 40% Discount
Bring A Friend Or Partner For Only $200
100% SATISFACTION GUARANTEED!If you are not satisfied you can request in writing a refund of the tuition within 24 hours of the end of the seminar. |
For Further Information, Contact Us:
352.505.2959
fayenen@satvatove.com
Foundational, Gainesville – March 25-27, 2011
Transformative Communication &
Self–Empowerment Experience
March 25 – 27, 2011
Spend An Unforgettable Weekend!
Focus On Your Personal Development,
Communication & Relationships
Developed & Facilitated By: David Wolf, Ph.D. and Marie Glasheen
40% OFF FLORIDA SPECIAL
BRING A FRIEND FOR ONLY $200
“Potential means you ain’t done it yet. ”
Darrell Royal
Come To The Satvatove Foundational Seminar
And Transform Potential Into Results
What would it mean for you to substantially improve your relationships, with yourself and others?
Are you eager to experience life with increased fullness and inspiration?
How satisfied are you with your present life situation, and how willing are you to try something different?
In this seminar you will discover strategies for vitalizing yourself to create a fulfilling life with extraordinary results.
Break Through Self-Imposed Limitations!
This is a 3-day adventure in daring communication and bold exploration to interior frontiers.
Walk Away With Skills And Insights You Can Apply Immediately In All Your Relationships- With Your Partner, Children, Colleagues, And Yourself.
Learn Techniques That Will Last A Lifetime And That Will Grow With You.
Take advantage of the unique opportunity of the Satvatove Foundational Seminar. You will acquire a full relationship toolbox, including listening tools as a basis for modules including interpersonal skills, conflict resolution, teamwork, and assertiveness.
Through participatory activities you will examine underlying assumptions by which you live your life. This is a concentrated, powerful communication training, culminating in sharpened self-awareness and satisfying relationships.
This Satvatove seminar in Gainesville, Florida, just in my back yard, was better than any seminars I have taken in New York or LA. After taking it, I felt empowered, and did transform my relationships with my parents, my partner, and my colleagues at work. I am now able to create trust. I am now moving on with my life and I do not get caught up in the drama.
Helen Rolbert, Teacher
In this seminar you’ll experience an atmosphere of trust and security allowing space to explore meaningful issues. David’s and Marie’s unwavering empathy and compassionate, astute perceptions provide a safe, supportive environment for students to challenge themselves to create significant breakthroughs.
“The seminar is expertly organized without a dull moment. Dr. Wolf creates a safe environment in which I could explore my emotional needs and step out of a sometimes overly analytical approach to life. I am able to relate more meaningfully to loved ones, colleagues and acquaintances. Every attendee in my seminar was moved and awakened by this excellent experience.”
– Bob Cohen, Geologist
To Read Testimonials About The Course Click Here.
Read More About The Foundational Course.
Download Brochure.
Course Information
Date: March 25 – 27, 2011
Place: Gainesville Hotel & Conference Center
7417 Newberry Road (I-75 at Exit 387)
Gainesville, Florida 32605
Phone: (352) 332-7500
Course hours: 9 am to 9 pm (ending time approximate)
1.5-hour meal break each day
Tuition: $950
Tuition includes: 32-hour seminar, 1-hour personal coaching interview, and course workbook.
40% OFF FLORIDA SPECIAL
REGULAR TUITION: $950 YOUR TUITION: $570
BRING A FRIEND FOR ONLY $200
100% SATISFACTION GUARANTEED!
If you are not satisfied you can request in writing a refund of the tuition within 24 hours of the end of the seminar.
