Posts Tagged ‘consciousness’
CLEAR INTENTION
Excerpt From A Coaching Letter Written By David B Wolf
“Clear intention” intrinsically means that we don’t know how the result will manifest. We may have a plan A, and a plan B. Even if all our plans fall through and don’t work, still we are clear that the result will occur. You say it very nicely- “Between effort and result there is a space.” There is no inherent connection. It is a mystic process, in the sense that the Supreme Mystic is the personal mechanism to fulfill clear intention. As described in Bhagavad-gita, causes for results include the senses, the endeavor, the doer, the place, and ultimately the Supersoul. Clear intention is a way of being that honors that divine space between action and result.
Clear intention, placing consciousness in results, and commitment, are ways of being. My understanding is that they are ways of being consistent with our spiritual nature. If we are committed to a result, and the outcome doesn’t manifest as we had hoped, this is an opportunity to look at ourselves, to examine what was in the way of my intention manifesting the results I desired, what is it about my consciousness such that the result is what it is, instead of something different and more satisfying. I know that you are taking this introspective track in your life, as evidenced in your letter, “obviously I need to look at myself.” So, whatever the results of our endeavors and intentions, it is healthy to look at ourselves to learn, improve and refine our character and efforts.
That said, even if we are completely situated in spiritual principles, fully fixed in clear intention, that doesn’t guarantee a result. I offer that that does maximize the possibility that the intended outcome will occur. Empathy is a way of being. Living in empathy maximizes opportunities for sweet, connected and satisfying relationships. Does it guarantee it? No. Assertiveness is a way of being, an integral element of our integrity. It doesn’t guarantee successful external results, though being assertive will very frequently be more effective than aggressiveness or excessive passivity. Stretch, growth, win/win, “on contract”, accountability, etc. – these are ways of being that facilitate a life of fulfillment, excellence and extraordinary results.
These ways of being are part of our integrity. Even in those circumstances when such ways of being don’t produce the external results we desire, internally we are in integrity, and that in itself is success, perhaps the greatest success.
SATTVIC COMMUNICATION IN CONFLICT
Excerpt From Relationships That Work: The Power Of Conscious Living
- By David B. Wolf
A particularly challenging occasion for reflective listening arises when acrimony is directed toward us by persons with whom we are in a close relationship. A student once wrote the following to me: “One area that I find is very relevant for workshop participants …is the difficulty of doing empathic listening when a spouse or person very close to us is saying something that we totally disagree with. I once made great sacrifices for my wife and then she told me she didn’t like what I did and her reasons were totally uninformed. At that point I couldn’t imagine doing empathic listening. I was so upset I just screamed. It’s one of the most needed and most challenging times to do empathic listening.”
I replied: “I hear your challenge and frustration. It is relatively easy to empathize and reflect when the hostility, anger and resentment are directed toward some third party. When it’s directed toward us it is especially challenging to be sattvic, non-reactive, empathic and compassionate. It is particularly difficult in those instances, and also especially important. When we are able to notice our anger, pain or fear without giving our power to them, and to instead sincerely endeavor to understand the other person, before expressing what we want to say, we create the climate in these close and intimate relationships that we truly desire.”
At the start of the second day of a five-day seminar, a woman who was attending shared her experience from the previous night, after the first day of the seminar when we had covered empathic listening. “My son was in the bath and wanted to play with a particular bottle of liquid soap. I knew this soap would hurt his eyes and wouldn’t allow it. In the past this sort of scene would lead to an escalation of anger, affecting us, and the household, for at least a full day if not longer. ‘No, you can’t have it!’ ‘I want it!’ ‘I said no! Put it down!’ Instead I thought I’ll use the skills we learned that day in the workshop. ‘You’re really angry at mommy for not letting you play with that soap!’ ‘Yes, I want it!’ ‘I know you really wish you could have that bottle, and you’re mad at me because I won’t let you.’ ‘That’s right. I am.’ I couldn’t believe it. After about a minute the episode was over. His anger was gone, and we enjoyed each other’s company.”
Studies in labor-management discussions demonstrate that it takes half the time to achieve conflict resolution when all parties agree to accurately repeat what the previous speaker has said before responding.17 To do this requires sattvic consciousness, where we are attentive and sufficiently patient to mirror the other person’s statement, before saying our piece. Especially when we are in conflict with the other party, it requires substantial non-attachment to utilize reflective empathy and avoid roadblocks. Frequently in workshops I hear, “But David, using these techniques takes much longer.” My response is, “Yes, maybe it does. In the short run.” Sattvic communication may take longer up front. However, in the long run it avoids the anxieties and problems created by roadblock-filled tamasic and rajasic communication. For instance, we might spend more time in mirroring and empathic listening so that we understand an employee; his satisfaction though results in a more pleasant work environment where people want to stay. This in turn is likely to lead to higher efficiency and an increase in productivity.
ABUNDANCE
Excerpt From Relationships That Work: The Power Of Conscious Living
- By David B. Wolf
An abundance mentality is a strategy for living. This frame of mind allows us to see possibilities in each situation. A scarcity mentality is the opposite of the paradigm of abundance. Approaching life from scarcity, we focus on difficulties in every opportunity, whereas a paradigm of abundance realizes opportunities in every difficulty. People coming from a place of abundance are storehouses of fresh ideas and exude a natural confidence.
The framework of the three modes of nature described in the first part of this book can assist us in understanding different relationships with abundance. In the mode of sattva, I assume that if I act in harmony with principles of integrity and my intrinsic propensities, I will experience abundance in my life. The abundance that I receive, I naturally handle with respect and responsibility, understanding that satisfaction is not obtained by increasingly acquiring material goods through unnecessary activity. In the rajas mode I would equate money with feeling powerful and happy—although such assumptions repeatedly lead to excessive anxiety, lack of fulfillment and diminished self-respect. The Bhagavad Gita describes a person in this mode as “constantly desiring to desire,”18 without reference to the satisfaction and peace that lie within. Influenced by tamas, I would maintain a careless, reckless attitude, using money in a neglectful and wasteful manner, perhaps for addictive and destructive purposes.
An abundance mindset genuinely celebrates the accomplishments, victories and qualities of others. Living from abundance, we realize that there is more than sufficient joy, recognition and resources for everyone. Our sense of self-value is not derived from comparison, but rather from a secure and intrinsic experience of our worth. In abundance, my success is not dependent on the failure of someone else.
A paradigm of abundance actualizes as a win-win approach to relationships. Win-win means I assume that the success of others enhances my success, and my wins contribute to the well-being of others. From a perspective of win-win, I am committed to victory for everyone. Consider the following example. A small company has one vehicle. One manager is responsible to ensure that a shipment is delivered across town by 10 a.m., while the other manager has three clients to visit by the same time. In win-win consciousness there is no conflict or tension between these people. Neither is thinking, “I need the vehicle this morning.” Rather, there is a cooperative attitude of, “How can we both fulfill our responsibilities?” Neither manager actually needs the vehicle. What both managers actually need is for the merchandise to be delivered, and for all three clients to be treated with integrity. With the managers brainstorming together for the maximum benefit of their joint venture, they will likely arrive at several innovative ideas that meet everyone’s needs.
A win-lose paradigm assumes that if someone else wins, then I lose; or that if I win, then someone else loses. With reference to the above scenario, a manager with win-lose assumptions might think, “The other manager has had use of the vehicle for the past three days. I need it this morning. If he doesn’t deliver his shipment on time, that’s too bad for him. It’s not my problem.” A lose-win model of interaction could sound like this: “Okay, you take the vehicle. I guess I’ll just give up on those accounts I was hoping for, like I usually do…” (Thinking, “I’ll be the loser again. I’m used to it.”) Lose-win—rooted in personal insecurity—conveys the message that while your voice and needs matter, mine do not. This attitude is often accompanied by concealed resentment and hostility.
Lose-lose takes things further, where I act to take both of us down, ensuring success for nobody. With this mentality, one manager may view the other as an enemy, and while conceding the vehicle for the morning, may make plans for sabotaging the efforts of the other manager. Other variations of these relationships to success and winning include play-not-to-lose, which is a survival strategy focused on not losing rather than actually living vitally and winning, and don’t-play, where my fear of failure prevents me from any chance at success or true fulfillment.
We can conceive of win-lose as a rajasic approach to relationship, whereas lose-lose or lose-win mentalities—which require even less commitment than win-lose—are primarily influenced by the mode of tamas. Win-win entails sattvic consciousness, where we stand for our convictions while honoring those of others. It requires deep commitment because it is founded on a determination that everyone will be satisfied. This requires dedication to high-level communication, where we take responsibility not just for what we say, but for how our communication is received and the effect it has. Win-win synthesizes principles of empathy, assertiveness and clear intention to create profoundly satisfying results both interpersonally and professionally.
From Visvambhar
“ “Living as the soul”. That realization has been the most powerful for me, having taken the Satvatove Advanced Seminar. Throughout my life, I have heard that we are spiritual beings, not of this mundane body and mind. That our material experiences are due to the mind and ego, but that the goal is to transcend these things and live as the soul.
But how to live as the soul? I have come closer to this answer through Satvatove. The soul is truth, pure consciousness, integrity, energetic, and full of happiness. Through the Satvatove Seminars, I feel more connected to the real me, the soul. I know the tools to be the genuine spiritual being that I know I am, but it has gone beyond theoretical. I find myself more secure within myself. I can walk as the soul, I can talk as the soul, I can live as the soul”
Visvambhar Sheth – musician
Satvatove, Advanced Seminar Experience, 2010
Giving & Receiving
Excerpt From A Coaching Letter Written By David B Wolf
… Sometimes we specifically make a distinction between receiving and taking. In taking we drain energy. We can even appear to be giving, and doing it in a way that drains energy. If we are truly open to receive what someone else has to give, then this receiving is a way of giving, because it enriches relationship, energizes all involved. If we are closed down to such receiving, then we stifle the energy of the relationship. It is important that we continually receive. That is a part of personal growth. Receiving the gifts of others, in the form of affection, caring, challenge, etc., we fill ourselves up with “medicine”, and thereby we consistently are filled with love to give in our lives. With regard to giving, if we are giving from the right place, we will be inspired. If we find our giving efforts give rise to resentment, tiredness, feeing drained, then probably are giving is mixed with a taking consciousness …
Quote Of The Day
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.”
Mark Twain
From Patrick Magnum
“This was my second time taking the Foundational. Taking the Foundational after the Advanced Course was like taking a completely different course than the first Foundational experience. I have undergone a rapid transformation since the Foundational and approached this Foundation with a completely different consciousness and was able to gain just as much if not more this time than last time. I was able to be a sponge this time, taking in as much as I could.”
Satvatove, Foundational Course, January 2010
Gainesville, Florida
INTENTION, CONSCIOUSNESS & LIVING OUR VISION
0% Action
The Satvatove approach to growth and transformation is founded in spiritual principles of personal development. Our spirit self has intrinsic ways of being. When we have clear intention, when we put consciousness in our result, then we are exhibiting these intrinsic traits of our spirit self.
We assert that to achieve a result is fully a function of intention, and zero percent dependent on action. Certainly, there may be an action toward the manifestation of our desired objective, though accomplishing the goal is not dependent on any particular action. If our intention is clear, the result will manifest in our lives, even when we meet with initial, temporary, failure. The power of intention will always actualize itself. No material impediment can prevent this actualization. Intention is founded in spirit, and spirit is superior to matter. With clear intention, we find a way to concretize the result. Implicit in the principle of clear intention is the idea that, “I might not know how it’s going to happen, but I’m certain it’s going to happen.”
Obstacles Consciousness
When we say to ourselves, “If I can overcome my obstacles, then I’ll achieve my goal,” we are living in ‘obstacle consciousness.’ These perceived obstacles might be our health, the need to acquire money, or an increase in self-confidence.
Consciousness In The Result
When our consciousness is situated in the power of our intention, then our consciousness will be in our result. We call this paradigm, ‘consciousness in the result.’ In this way of being, the result is already achieved. There are no obstacles to overcome. There may be considerations to handle as we manifest the result, but those considerations are not obstacles. These considerations are not obstacles, because even if we are temporarily blocked, we will always find a way to accomplish our goal. The accomplishment of our goal is not dependent on obstacles.
To illustrate this principle, I sometimes cite the example of A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami, founder of a world-wide Vedic based spiritual movement. In 1965 he came to the United States from Vrndavana, India, practically penniless and in possession of some ancient Sanskrit literature that he had translated. His biography describes an event that occured shortly after his arrival in New York. He was seated on a bench when a resident asked him about his life. A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami responded by describing-in the present tense-an international organization with more than a hundred centers, millions of published copies of dozens of books, and tens of thousands of active members and supporters. Though none of this was manifest, and he may have looked to be somewhat down and out, he spoke of his vision in the present tense:
“There are one hundred eight centers, farm communities, the expansive publication and distribution of books, and diverse projects.”
His consciousness was in the result, not in obstacles.
Obstacle consciousness would have said:
“If I’m healthy enough, then maybe I’ll do this project. If I can get enough money, then maybe I’ll open some centers. If people come forward to assist me, then I can start this project.”
As events unfolded, A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami did encounter intense challenges on many dimensions. Still, due to the power of his intention, the vision described on the park bench materialized. Because of his clarity of purpose, nothing material could thwart the result.
The Supreme Power
Reflecting on these precepts we naturally reflect on the relationship between clear intention and the supreme power. Does clear intention imply that we, as spiritual entitiies with potency greater than any material obstacle, are omnipotent, with ultimate control?
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe effectively addresses the issue of the relationship between human beings, our power of intention, and God. Goethe writes, “…the moment one commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never have otherwise occured. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.
Similarly, the Bhagavad-gita describes five factors in the accomplishment of all action. They are: the place of action, the performer, the senses, the endeavor, and-ulimately-providence.
Living With Integrity
As the performer, our responsibility is to be in spiritual consciousness. This includes states of being such as clear intention, and absorbing our consciousness in the result. Though this consciousness doesn’t guarantee achievment of our goal, it does insure that we are living with integrity as spiritual entities, and that we are situated to maximize the possibility that providence will act through us to manifest our goal.
If we think about how we might apply the principle of clear intention to our lives, we might feel intimidated. We might even feel that bringing this idea into our daily life is just something we cannot do. Actually, we can release our fear and apprehension if we realize a simple truth. This principle already operates-every day-in our lives.
What is My Intention?
If we want to know what our intention is regarding our economic situation, we simply need to look at our bank account. To understand our intention concerning our body weight, simply step on the scale. Similarly, we can apply this check to our relationships, our career, our spirituality, or any other area of our life. The universe reflects our intention.
At first, this realization might be discouraging. We can transform this despondency, however, into enthusiasm by realizing the miracle of consciously using our power of intention. Much of what we’ve created in our lives-to this point-might have been the result of unconscious intentions materializing in our lives. When we become aware of these unconscious choice’s we have made in our past, these formerly unconscious intentions now enter the realm of choice. By consciously choosing our intentions, we empower ourselves to create the lives we desire.
Whatever our most cherished vision may be, let us begin it now, with clear intention, and consciousness in the goal.
Share Experience; Suspend Judgment
Language Reflects Consciousness
Who’d like to share their experience?” A common refrain in the Satvatove programs, this question often results in responses such as “I was too distracted,” “My partner is so nice,” or “I’m a terrible listener”. I regard such expressions as judgments, rather than sharing of experience. Also in personal feedback exercises we sometimes use the prompt “I experience you as..”, culminating in expressions of evaluation or judgment, rather than actual experience.
Statements such as “I felt so angry when I wasn’t understood”, “I experienced my heart open when my partner shared a story similar to mine”, and “I felt great relief to talk about my hurt”, usually indicate sharing of experience. I use the term “usually” because, from my perspective, there is no particular phrasing that guarantees that one is connected with experience. Still, language reflects consciousness, and some wording consistently indicates analysis as opposed to experience.
Life-Enriching Versus Alienating
Sharing from experience tends to be life-enriching, whereas relating from judgment is oftentimes alienating. “What’s alienating about a statement like ‘You are so kind to offer me a ride home,’“ you might ask. A complimentary judgment is just as much a judgment as one of condemnation, such as “You’re irresponsible and lazy” These judgmental remarks reveal little about what is happening inside the speaker, and they reflect the attitude of the speaker as one qualified to sit in judgment. On the other hand, consider expressions such as “I’m grateful that you offered me a ride home, because I was worried that I’d be late to cook for my children, and now I’m peaceful about that,” and “You said you would wash the dishes last night, and you didn’t. I’m disappointed and angry that you didn’t do what you said you would” These statements, founded in experience rather than evaluation, convey valuable feedback about effects of specific behaviors.
To Judge is a Function of Intelligence
“Okay then, I’ll not judge anymore” Such a conclusion, in my judgment, would be a mistake. To judge is a function of intelligence. The first thing we read when we visit the Satvatove website (www.Satvatove.org) is “The highest truth is reality distinguished from illusion for the welfare of all” To make distinctions is integral to a life of refinement and progress.
Suspending Judgments is a Stategy for Living
In the Satvatove experience we distinguish between strategies for living and strategies for surviving (see article “Strategies for Living” by David Wolf). To share from experience is a strategy for living, as is suspending judgments. Note that the living strategy is not worded as “Be neutral, without judgment”
Genuineness dictates that we recognize our judgments. Dedication to growing and thriving relationships necessitates willingness to suspend judgments. This means that we choose not to allow our judgments to interfere with a fresh, present experience of a person or situation. Approaching each moment and relation in this way opens possibilities for discovery and vitality.
An alive and present experience may confirm or disconfirm my judgments. Suppose I have a judgment that a person is deceptive and not very intelligent. To deny that I am thinking this would be dishonest. In interacting with this person, I want to notice my judgments, and suspend them, allowing myself a fresh experience of this person. That experience may confirm my judgments, or it may reveal them to be false and shallow. Whatever new opinion may form, I have an opportunity to experience the next moment while suspending the judgment.
We talk about self-defeating games, one of which is to hide behind judgments. Intelligence, analysis and judgment are meant to inform and enrich our experience, or we can use them as fear-based barriers to authentic relation. To fully experience life does not imply abandonment of the wisdom of discretion. It does mean to be present with all our faculties, without limiting experience with preconceived labels or categorizations. In the words of philosopher and educator Martin Buber, “In spite of all similarities, every living situation has, like a newborn child, a new face, that has never been before and will never come again. It demands of you a reaction that cannot be prepared beforehand. It demands nothing of what is past. It demands presence, responsibility; it demands you”
TRANSFORMATIVE COMMUNICATION
The Satvatove programs feature an approach to self-empowerment based on transformative communication. This model is founded on the understanding that our identity is fundamentally non-material. This identity beyond the physical body is indicated in spiritual literatures such as the widely known yoga scripture Bhagavad-gita, which states “As the embodied soul continuously passes, in this body, from boyhood to youth to old age, the soul similarly passes into another body at death.” To be satisfying and complete, our self-help endeavors need to recognize this non-physical self. It is common to lose this awareness. Soren Kierkegaard once stated, “The greatest danger, that of losing one’s own self, may pass off quietly as if it were nothing; every other loss, that of an arm, a leg, five dollars, a wife, is sure to be noticed.”
Through the Satvatove system of transformative communication we create a sacred space, in ourselves and in relation with others, that links us with our spiritual nature. Consciousness is transformed as trust is developed, perspectives shift and possibilities expand.
Language reflects consciousness. Through transformative communication we become self-aware through language. This awareness is the basis for powerful personal change, which is then reflected in our thoughts, speech and activities. For example, I may notice that in my thoughts and words I frequently use “I can’t…” in circumstances where, in actuality, I could if I chose to. Realizing this I shift to “I am not willing to…” or “I am inspired to…” This is accompanied by a transformation from feeling powerless and down to experiencing vitality and confidence, and is evinced in potent action that generates fulfilling results in my life. Similarly, awareness of my tendency to prematurely give solutions, or probe with closed-ended questions, leads to discovery of an unhealthy need to control. With such self-realization I shift my consciousness to emphasize an attitude of wonder and discovery for life and each person I contact.
To effectively apply transformative communication it is important to distinguish between skills and substance. For example, there are skills for non-verbal attending behavior, such as:
Sitting squarely
Open-body position
Leaning forward slightly
Eye-contact
These are mechanics intended to convey respect and sincere interest in another person. The mechanics themselves do not necessarily mean that we are attentive and caring listeners, and sometimes effective listening is best displayed without the elements of SOLE. Reflective listening is a technique to express empathy, though an accurate reflection on its own does not intrinsically communicate the quality of empathy. Empathy is the substance. Reflective listening is a vehicle to transmit that substance. We speak of potential roadblocks to effective communication, such as advising, warning and reassuring. While these types of responses to a person with an emotionally-charged situation can often be barriers to communication, they can also convey compassion, understanding and empathy when appropriately utilized. In self-expression, assertiveness is the essential quality, and strategies such as “I” statements and WIN (What happened; Inside feelings and thoughts; Needs and wants) facilitate the expression of that essence.
In the trusting space created with transformative communication, we can clear our hearts and activities of unwanted things, such as self-deception, limiting beliefs, and interpersonal games that sabotage relationships. Such clearing opens the door to fully express our being and actualize a life of fulfilling purpose.
Christian philosopher Paul Tillich once remarked “The first duty of love is to listen.” A powerful tool for listening and transformative communication is silence. Properly used, silence conveys a grasp of another person’s emotions. While we do not want to use silence to avoid intimate and meaningful conversation, neither is it helpful to avoid silence due to feelings of discomfort. Often we fill silence with empty talk, fearing the vulnerability of silent connection. An attentive, caring silence is sometimes a more powerful way to heal and connect than the most carefully chosen and well-intentioned words. Actual silence means that the mind is also still. Silence doesn’t mean “empty”. It is a gateway to and manifestation of spiritual presence. Bhaktivedanta Swami wrote “Silence means that one is always thinking of self-realization.” It is said that God has given us two ears and one mouth, because we are meant to listen at least twice as much as to speak. Bhagavad-gita explains that true silence is a reflection of the divine within us. In empathic silence we are listening to what the other person is saying, not to what we are saying about what the other person is saying. That is, we are attuned to the person’s words and the emotion and intention behind the words, not to our judgments, planned responses, or comments towards the expression of the other. We are deeply listening, receiving another person with full presence, intense interest and open-heart. Such listening expands the spirits of speaker and listener.
Michael Ende created the character of Momo, a young girl whose silent presence connected people with their inner truth and transformed their consciousness. Daily Momo received a stream of visitors, eager for her association. Ende writes “Was Momo so incredibly bright that she always gave good advice, or found the right words to console people in need of consolation,…? No, she was no more capable of that than anyone else of her age. … what Momo was better at than anyone else was listening. She listened in a way that made slow-witted people have flashes of inspiration. It wasn’t that she actually said anything or asked questions that put such ideas into their heads. She simply sat there and listened with the utmost attention…fixing them with her big, dark eyes, and they suddenly became aware of ideas whose existence they had never suspected. Momo could listen in such a way that worried and indecisive people knew their own minds from one moment to the next, or shy people felt suddenly confident and at ease, or downhearted people felt happy and hopeful. And if someone felt that his life had been an utter failure, and that he himself was only one among millions of wholly unimportant people who could be replaced as easily as broken windowpanes, he would go and pour out his heart to Momo. And, even as he spoke, he would come to realize…he was absolutely wrong: that there was only one person like himself in the whole world, and that, consequently, he mattered to the world in his own particular way. Such was Momo’s talent for listening………Those who still think that listening isn’t an art should see if they can do it half as well.”
Consciousness is reflected in language, and language is not only verbal. There is kinesic and paralinguistic language. We see in the example of Momo the power of deep listening to convey empathy, hope and caring.
Below are exercises to help you cultivate and integrate tools for transformative communication.
For a few days observe how frequently you use empathic understanding in your communication style. After a few days, without being inauthentic or preoccupied with the effort, increase your use of reflective listening. Notice the impact of your use of empathy on others and on the process of communication.
Identify an interpersonal scenario in your life. Imagine you are making a statement about something that is troubling you, and then, taking the role of the person you are speaking with, write three responses, using different roadblocks. Use the roadblocks to which you are most susceptible. Consider the effect of the responses, and identify how each roadblock makes you feel. Then, formulate an empathic response for the scenario.
Example: A course participant approaching her teacher about the behavior of a third.
“I really think you need to speak with him one-on-one. I think he’s doing things that are not conducive for a healthy lifestyle.”
Roadblock response 1: “I think that you should be careful about telling me what to do, or else you may be the one I will want to talk to.” (threatening, warning)
Roadblock response 2: “Oh, he’ll be okay. Don’t worry.” (false reassurance)
Roadblock response 3: “You just go and tell him what you think and how he has to change!” (ordering)
Empathic response: “It is distressing for you to see that he is doing things that may be harmful for him. I can see that you”re concerned about him, and you”d like me to speak with him.”
