Posts Tagged ‘Integrity’
FROM DEVAN
“My experience of the Advanced Seminar was, to say the least, life changing. I am extremely grateful to David for putting the seminar experience together, because it impacted my life in such a remarkable way. I believe the best way for me to share my experience is to share how my life has changed. One huge thing that I’ve noticed is my relationships with my family, particularly my parents, getting exponentially better. Our conversations and interactions are happier, smoother, and our relationship is growing deeper every day. I no long do things because I think I ‘should’, and now put my effort toward things I actually want, and not what I think I want, or think I should want. I feel much more in integrity with myself, and everyone around me, and it’s a great feeling. I am still very engaged in Satvatove and hope to continue my involvement with Satvatove for years to come.”
Devan Borsboom
ASSERTIVENESS TRAINING COACHING LETTER
Excerpt From A Coaching Letter - By David B. Wolf
“Assertive” doesn’t mean abrasive or offensive. It means you being connected with who you are and asserting that. Also it means detached. Assertiveness is not merely a skill; it’s intrinsic to a life of integrity. By not being assertive we are not fulfilling our destiny – expressing ourselves in a way that’s powerful, courageous, and considerate, empathic, honoring others, giving them safe space to respond to our communication. We express ourselves fully. Whatever the result, we are in our integrity, which in itself is success. We’ve expressed our truth without compromising, in a manner not meant to harm or degrade others.
ASSERTIVENESS…
“Assertiveness is not merely a skill; it’s intrinsic to a life of integrity”
David B. Wolf
INTEGRITY AND BOUNDARIES
Excerpt From Relationships That Work: The Power Of Conscious Living
- By David B. Wolf
To assert ourselves means to know ourselves. If I want to assert myself I need to know what I believe, what I feel, what I think and what is truly important for me. Thus, assertiveness is indispensable for a life of spiritual integrity. In examining my core principles, beliefs and aspirations, it is important to distinguish between what I think “should” be my principles, feelings and values, and what my actions actually reveal them to be. Such awareness is an important part of the process of spiritual development and genuine assertive expression.
Even if Robert’s reaction to his wife’s assertive expression is some form of fight or flight, Lisa’s assertiveness has assured that she is in her integrity. She has expressed her truth with courage and sensitivity. Our responsibility is not to change others—though with our assertive expression they may change. Our responsibility is to assert our own truth in a manner that respects the rights of others.
Additionally, with assertiveness Lisa establishes boundaries regarding how she is and is not willing to be treated. It is said that we teach people how to treat us, and with assertive expression we consciously give lessons on what we are and what we are not ready to tolerate. Personal power, including the ability to create satisfying boundaries, comes from effective communication.
Non-judgmental understanding is a valuable commodity. As you become a better listener, you may find that more and more people seek you out. This itself can present a challenge, one in which it is important to know how to establish personal boundaries. Being assertive means that we are able to maintain healthy boundaries that prevent us from becoming jaded, drained and of little use to anyone, without building walls that isolate us from others.
Knowing how to say no is an essential tool in creating boundaries. Influenced by a desire to please people and to be liked, we may lack the assertiveness to say no when we really want to. Let us keep in mind that if we say yes to something, we are implicitly also saying no to other things. For example, if I say yes to working overtime, I may be saying no to family or recreation time. Perhaps I am saying yes to fear of losing my job.
Proficiency in assertive expression keeps us energized and continually inspired to relate, give and contribute. Research among helping professionals has led to the development of a new field of study—compassion fatigue. This phrase refers to feelings of depletion from constantly absorbing the pain of others. Immediately following a traumatic event, such as a natural disaster or a violent attack, a team of helpers, including doctors, counselors, nurses and social workers, is sent to the scene. Nowadays, as a matter of course, a few days later a second team of mental health professionals is dispatched to address the compassion fatigue of the first team. It is understood that after being present for and intensely absorbing such intense grief for several days, many persons will naturally need intervention. This recognizes the importance of having sound boundaries in place when it comes to emotionally charged exchanges, and indicates the value of assertive communication. Preserving boundaries is integral to steadily participating in life and relationships with joy, appreciation and compassion.
CLEAR INTENTION
Excerpt From A Coaching Letter Written By David B Wolf
“Clear intention” intrinsically means that we don’t know how the result will manifest. We may have a plan A, and a plan B. Even if all our plans fall through and don’t work, still we are clear that the result will occur. You say it very nicely- “Between effort and result there is a space.” There is no inherent connection. It is a mystic process, in the sense that the Supreme Mystic is the personal mechanism to fulfill clear intention. As described in Bhagavad-gita, causes for results include the senses, the endeavor, the doer, the place, and ultimately the Supersoul. Clear intention is a way of being that honors that divine space between action and result.
Clear intention, placing consciousness in results, and commitment, are ways of being. My understanding is that they are ways of being consistent with our spiritual nature. If we are committed to a result, and the outcome doesn’t manifest as we had hoped, this is an opportunity to look at ourselves, to examine what was in the way of my intention manifesting the results I desired, what is it about my consciousness such that the result is what it is, instead of something different and more satisfying. I know that you are taking this introspective track in your life, as evidenced in your letter, “obviously I need to look at myself.” So, whatever the results of our endeavors and intentions, it is healthy to look at ourselves to learn, improve and refine our character and efforts.
That said, even if we are completely situated in spiritual principles, fully fixed in clear intention, that doesn’t guarantee a result. I offer that that does maximize the possibility that the intended outcome will occur. Empathy is a way of being. Living in empathy maximizes opportunities for sweet, connected and satisfying relationships. Does it guarantee it? No. Assertiveness is a way of being, an integral element of our integrity. It doesn’t guarantee successful external results, though being assertive will very frequently be more effective than aggressiveness or excessive passivity. Stretch, growth, win/win, “on contract”, accountability, etc. – these are ways of being that facilitate a life of fulfillment, excellence and extraordinary results.
These ways of being are part of our integrity. Even in those circumstances when such ways of being don’t produce the external results we desire, internally we are in integrity, and that in itself is success, perhaps the greatest success.
A LIFE OF INTEGRITY
“Assertiveness is not just a communication skill; it’s a principle that is intrinsic to a life of integrity.”
David Wolf
ABUNDANCE
Excerpt From Relationships That Work: The Power Of Conscious Living
- By David B. Wolf
An abundance mentality is a strategy for living. This frame of mind allows us to see possibilities in each situation. A scarcity mentality is the opposite of the paradigm of abundance. Approaching life from scarcity, we focus on difficulties in every opportunity, whereas a paradigm of abundance realizes opportunities in every difficulty. People coming from a place of abundance are storehouses of fresh ideas and exude a natural confidence.
The framework of the three modes of nature described in the first part of this book can assist us in understanding different relationships with abundance. In the mode of sattva, I assume that if I act in harmony with principles of integrity and my intrinsic propensities, I will experience abundance in my life. The abundance that I receive, I naturally handle with respect and responsibility, understanding that satisfaction is not obtained by increasingly acquiring material goods through unnecessary activity. In the rajas mode I would equate money with feeling powerful and happy—although such assumptions repeatedly lead to excessive anxiety, lack of fulfillment and diminished self-respect. The Bhagavad Gita describes a person in this mode as “constantly desiring to desire,”18 without reference to the satisfaction and peace that lie within. Influenced by tamas, I would maintain a careless, reckless attitude, using money in a neglectful and wasteful manner, perhaps for addictive and destructive purposes.
An abundance mindset genuinely celebrates the accomplishments, victories and qualities of others. Living from abundance, we realize that there is more than sufficient joy, recognition and resources for everyone. Our sense of self-value is not derived from comparison, but rather from a secure and intrinsic experience of our worth. In abundance, my success is not dependent on the failure of someone else.
A paradigm of abundance actualizes as a win-win approach to relationships. Win-win means I assume that the success of others enhances my success, and my wins contribute to the well-being of others. From a perspective of win-win, I am committed to victory for everyone. Consider the following example. A small company has one vehicle. One manager is responsible to ensure that a shipment is delivered across town by 10 a.m., while the other manager has three clients to visit by the same time. In win-win consciousness there is no conflict or tension between these people. Neither is thinking, “I need the vehicle this morning.” Rather, there is a cooperative attitude of, “How can we both fulfill our responsibilities?” Neither manager actually needs the vehicle. What both managers actually need is for the merchandise to be delivered, and for all three clients to be treated with integrity. With the managers brainstorming together for the maximum benefit of their joint venture, they will likely arrive at several innovative ideas that meet everyone’s needs.
A win-lose paradigm assumes that if someone else wins, then I lose; or that if I win, then someone else loses. With reference to the above scenario, a manager with win-lose assumptions might think, “The other manager has had use of the vehicle for the past three days. I need it this morning. If he doesn’t deliver his shipment on time, that’s too bad for him. It’s not my problem.” A lose-win model of interaction could sound like this: “Okay, you take the vehicle. I guess I’ll just give up on those accounts I was hoping for, like I usually do…” (Thinking, “I’ll be the loser again. I’m used to it.”) Lose-win—rooted in personal insecurity—conveys the message that while your voice and needs matter, mine do not. This attitude is often accompanied by concealed resentment and hostility.
Lose-lose takes things further, where I act to take both of us down, ensuring success for nobody. With this mentality, one manager may view the other as an enemy, and while conceding the vehicle for the morning, may make plans for sabotaging the efforts of the other manager. Other variations of these relationships to success and winning include play-not-to-lose, which is a survival strategy focused on not losing rather than actually living vitally and winning, and don’t-play, where my fear of failure prevents me from any chance at success or true fulfillment.
We can conceive of win-lose as a rajasic approach to relationship, whereas lose-lose or lose-win mentalities—which require even less commitment than win-lose—are primarily influenced by the mode of tamas. Win-win entails sattvic consciousness, where we stand for our convictions while honoring those of others. It requires deep commitment because it is founded on a determination that everyone will be satisfied. This requires dedication to high-level communication, where we take responsibility not just for what we say, but for how our communication is received and the effect it has. Win-win synthesizes principles of empathy, assertiveness and clear intention to create profoundly satisfying results both interpersonally and professionally.
From Visvambhar
“ “Living as the soul”. That realization has been the most powerful for me, having taken the Satvatove Advanced Seminar. Throughout my life, I have heard that we are spiritual beings, not of this mundane body and mind. That our material experiences are due to the mind and ego, but that the goal is to transcend these things and live as the soul.
But how to live as the soul? I have come closer to this answer through Satvatove. The soul is truth, pure consciousness, integrity, energetic, and full of happiness. Through the Satvatove Seminars, I feel more connected to the real me, the soul. I know the tools to be the genuine spiritual being that I know I am, but it has gone beyond theoretical. I find myself more secure within myself. I can walk as the soul, I can talk as the soul, I can live as the soul”
Visvambhar Sheth – musician
Satvatove, Advanced Seminar Experience, 2010
From Natalie Marie Saltmarsh
Some of my realizations so far:
- The care & empathy I’ve received since the workshop + follow up phone calls + seminar fills me with gratitude + awe. Thank you!
- Tapped into my sensitivity + vulnerability in a safe environment + I am inspired to go further …at the advanced course in April.
- Learned tools to take responsibility for my broken agreements + awareness of the grungies + payoffs, so I can transform and instead be in my integrity w/ honesty + trust.
- “Have to” — “Get To”
- I am renewed, transformed, and thankful. The Satvatove in me greets + thanks the Satvatove in you.
Satvatove, Foundational Course, January 2010
Gainesville, Florida
Satvatove Values, Principles and Codes
These values, principles, and codes set forth standards by which Satvatove coaches, coach trainees, staff, facilitator trainees and facilitators may be held accountable, by clients, students, colleagues, and any member of society.
Values- Service, Integrity, Excellence, Dignity and inherent worth of every person, Accountability, Commitment, Human relationships, Personal Growth, Spiritual essence of all living beings, Self-determination.
Satvatove coaches, coach trainees, staff, facilitator trainees and facilitators behave in a trustworthy manner. They conduct themselves in a manner consistent with Satvatove’s values.
Satvatove coaches, coach trainees, staff, facilitator trainees and facilitators continually develop and enhance their expertise. They strive to increase their knowledge and skills and to apply them in their service to others. Additionally, Satvatove coaches and facilitators endeavor to contribute to the knowledge-base of the Satvatove mission.
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