Posts Tagged ‘Intention’
A QUESTION ON CHANGE
Excerpt From A Coaching Letter - By David B. Wolf
I think it important to realize, at least philosophically, that, yes, in a moment I can choose to let go of decades, maybe lifetimes, of conditioning, and thereby change. While acknowledging that possibility, it’s also often essential to realize that, practically speaking, I am influenced by my conditioning, past habits, past and current association, etc. Acknowledging those influences, being 100% responsible for my life, experience and results might look like, for example, joining Alcoholics Anonymous, or adjusting my association so that I surround myself with persons who will be more supportive of me changing the way that I say I want to, etc. If I have decades of addiction to excessively eating sweets- sure, I could in a moment give up that addictive habit. That’s possible. Practically, though, if I’m serious and fully responsible, I’ll acknowledge my weakness and take some external steps, such as, for example, not keeping chocolates on my desk to look at when I’m stressed out during the day. Sure, even if the chocolates are there, if I’m deeply intentional I won’t eat them. Still, being honest about where I’m at, sincere intention will manifest as establishing structures such as no chocolates in the house.
EMPATHIC SILENCE
Excerpt From Relationships That Work: The Power Of Conscious Living
- By David B. Wolf
In the novel Momo, Michael Ende creates the character of a young girl, who is a wonderful example of an empathic listener, and whose silent presence helps people connect with their inner truth. Momo receives a daily stream of visitors, eager to be close to her.
“Was Momo so incredibly bright that she always gave good advice, or found the right words to console people in need of consolation…? No, she was no more capable of that than anyone else of her age…what Momo was better at than anyone else was listening. She listened in a way that made slow-witted people have flashes of inspiration. It wasn’t that she actually said anything or asked questions that put such ideas into their heads. She simply sat there and listened with the utmost attention…fixing them with her big, dark eyes, and they suddenly became aware of ideas whose existence they had never suspected. Momo could listen in such a way that worried and indecisive people knew their own minds from one moment to the next, or shy people felt suddenly confident and at ease, or downhearted people felt happy and hopeful. And if someone felt that his life had been an utter failure, and that he himself was only one among millions of wholly unimportant people who could be replaced as easily as broken windowpanes, he would go and pour out his heart to Momo. And, even as he spoke, he would come to realize… he was absolutely wrong: that there was only one person like himself in the whole world, and that, consequently, he mattered to the world in his own particular way. Such was Momo’s talent for listening… Those who still think that listening isn’t an art should see if they can do it half as well.”
Silence itself is a potent listening tool, and can convey a grasp of another person’s emotions. While silence should not be used to avoid intimate and meaningful conversation, neither is it helpful to avoid silence due to feelings of discomfort. Often we fill silence with empty talk, fearing the vulnerability of silent connection. An attentive, caring silence is sometimes a more powerful way to heal and connect than the most carefully chosen and well-intentioned words. Actual silence means that the mind is also still. Silence doesn’t mean “empty.” It is a gateway to, and manifestation of, spiritual presence. Vedic scholar Bhaktivedanta Swami wrote, “Silence means that one is always thinking of self-realization.” It is said that God has given us two ears and one mouth, because we are meant to listen at least twice as much as to speak. The Bhagavad Gita describes true silence as a reflection of the divine within us. In empathic silence we are listening to what the other person is saying, not to what we are saying about what the other person is saying. That is, we are attuned to the person’s words and the emotion and intention behind the words, not to our judgments, planned responses or comments towards the other person’s self-expression. We are deeply listening, receiving another person with full presence, intense interest and an open heart. Such listening expands the spirits of both speaker and listener.
WHAT’S YOUR INTENTION?
Excerpt From “Be A Distinction!”
- By David B. Wolf
Intention is a spiritually-based principle of personal growth. A fundamental characteristic of intention is clarity – to be completely clear on who we want to be, what we want to experience, and the actions and results that flow from that. In addition to clarity, fully believing that our intention is possible is also essential. A third element is readiness to accept what we say we want for our lives. We can ask ourselves to what extent are we actually prepared to receive the abundance and success of our intention manifesting. This could lead to productively addressing self-defeating beliefs connected with, for example, a sense of unworthiness. The totality of these elements- clarity, belief and acceptance – constitutes clear intention. Clear intention is firm, yet flexible to the indications and will of the divine. Lacking clear intention we are likely to live a life with a script written by others.
Living from clear intention we are truly the authors of our life.
INTENTION
“A fundamental characteristic of intention is clarity- to be completely clear on who we want to be, what we want to experience, and the actions and results that flow from that.”
David B. Wolf
BE-DO-HAVE REVISTED
Excerpt From Relationships That Work: The Power Of Conscious Living
- By David B. Wolf
In setting and accomplishing life goals from a paradigm of conscious living, the equation begins with being. Often we specify the have part of the equation, then do the work of achieving the goal, but neglect to be. For example, suppose I am thinking, “If I have the right companion then I will live the life I desire and I will be loved, appreciated and affectionate.” In this mode focused on having, the process moves to doing things that we believe make sense to achieve the goal. This could mean going to bars, parties or perhaps to work or church—all with the intention of acquiring what we don’t have. Be-Do-Have on the other hand begins with experiencing ourselves as loved, contented and fulfilled. With this consciousness we attract into our lives relationships that enhance our being. Experiencing love, power, beauty, clarity, vitality, radiance and confidence is not dependent on having any particular relationship or external result, although we do invite and attract relationships and successes that enrich the full experience of our being.
Be-Do-Have consciousness is joyful, contented and powerful from the start. Living these qualities, I naturally do the things that joyful, contented and powerful people do—with the result that I have things that joyful, contented and powerful people have. Being compassionate, loving and confident, I naturally act in ways that compassionate, loving and confident people act—and thus I have what compassionate, loving and confident people have. The salient point about Be-Do-Have is not that it culminates in have, but that it originates in be.
Be-Do-Have is always in effect, whether we are conscious of it or not. If I am being depressed, fearful and irritable, I will do what depressed, fearful and irritable people do, and have the sort of relationships and life results that depressed, fearful and irritable people have. If I am being trustworthy, powerful and spirited, I will do things that trustworthy, powerful and spirited people do, and have the corresponding results, such as extraordinary success and rewarding relationships.
While doing and having flow from our being, they also enrich our being. Thus, being powerful, trusting and determined, I act with power, trust and determination. This activity in turn enhances my experience of being. It is not that my being was incomplete before the activity; this a dynamic process where being energizes doing, and doing nourishes being. Activity is generated from inspired being, not from a place of need.
In the Do-Be paradigm, I am in a mindset that believes “In order to experience the qualities of my being, I need to do such and such.” That is different than Be-Do, where I am living from the consciousness of “I am complete and whole; I am inspired to do these activities, which naturally intensify and augment my experience of being.”
Because spirit is transcendent of matter, and because the self is more powerful than material coverings, it is possible to choose the qualities of our being at any given moment—whatever the intricacies of those coverings. By doing some clearing work, by pulling weeds and watering flowers in the garden, we can prepare the field and thus make it easier to choose being. (Without minimizing the value of this work, the choice to be is not dependent on the clearing and watering work we have done beforehand.)
For example, before conducting a seminar, part of my preparation is to do mantra meditation for about ninety minutes each morning. This helps me to feel strong, clear and connected. Sometimes that doesn’t happen, for whatever reason. I know that chanting before the start of the seminar day is very helpful for me to experience myself as focused, spontaneous, confident and connected; but if it’s 9 a.m. and the seminar is about to begin, and I haven’t chanted yet, I am not willing to use that as an excuse not to be fully clear, present and connected. Whatever my preparation work has or hasn’t been, I can choose to be weak or powerful, foggy or clear, defensive or open.
INTENTION
“A fundamental characteristic of intention is clarity – to be completely clear on who we want to be, what we want to experience, and the actions and results that flow from that.”
David B. Wolf
INTENTIONS
“Our intentions — noticed or unnoticed, gross or subtle — contribute either to our suffering or to our happiness. Intentions are sometimes called seeds. The garden you grow depends on the seeds you plant and water. Long after a deed is done, the trace or momentum of the intention behind it remains as a seed, conditioning our future happiness or unhappiness.”
Gil Fronsdal
FROM CHRISTINA
“This has been a truly invaluable experience. The quality of your attention and your education is beautiful and powerful. Thank you for helping me uncover my personal value and room for growth, and for hold me accountable for my self realisation. I am very grateful for your clarity, and your intention. The love in the room abounds and I thank you for that.”
CLEAR INTENTION
Excerpt From A Coaching Letter Written By David B Wolf
“Clear intention” intrinsically means that we don’t know how the result will manifest. We may have a plan A, and a plan B. Even if all our plans fall through and don’t work, still we are clear that the result will occur. You say it very nicely- “Between effort and result there is a space.” There is no inherent connection. It is a mystic process, in the sense that the Supreme Mystic is the personal mechanism to fulfill clear intention. As described in Bhagavad-gita, causes for results include the senses, the endeavor, the doer, the place, and ultimately the Supersoul. Clear intention is a way of being that honors that divine space between action and result.
Clear intention, placing consciousness in results, and commitment, are ways of being. My understanding is that they are ways of being consistent with our spiritual nature. If we are committed to a result, and the outcome doesn’t manifest as we had hoped, this is an opportunity to look at ourselves, to examine what was in the way of my intention manifesting the results I desired, what is it about my consciousness such that the result is what it is, instead of something different and more satisfying. I know that you are taking this introspective track in your life, as evidenced in your letter, “obviously I need to look at myself.” So, whatever the results of our endeavors and intentions, it is healthy to look at ourselves to learn, improve and refine our character and efforts.
That said, even if we are completely situated in spiritual principles, fully fixed in clear intention, that doesn’t guarantee a result. I offer that that does maximize the possibility that the intended outcome will occur. Empathy is a way of being. Living in empathy maximizes opportunities for sweet, connected and satisfying relationships. Does it guarantee it? No. Assertiveness is a way of being, an integral element of our integrity. It doesn’t guarantee successful external results, though being assertive will very frequently be more effective than aggressiveness or excessive passivity. Stretch, growth, win/win, “on contract”, accountability, etc. – these are ways of being that facilitate a life of fulfillment, excellence and extraordinary results.
These ways of being are part of our integrity. Even in those circumstances when such ways of being don’t produce the external results we desire, internally we are in integrity, and that in itself is success, perhaps the greatest success.
ABUNDANCE
Excerpt From Relationships That Work: The Power Of Conscious Living
- By David B. Wolf
An abundance mentality is a strategy for living. This frame of mind allows us to see possibilities in each situation. A scarcity mentality is the opposite of the paradigm of abundance. Approaching life from scarcity, we focus on difficulties in every opportunity, whereas a paradigm of abundance realizes opportunities in every difficulty. People coming from a place of abundance are storehouses of fresh ideas and exude a natural confidence.
The framework of the three modes of nature described in the first part of this book can assist us in understanding different relationships with abundance. In the mode of sattva, I assume that if I act in harmony with principles of integrity and my intrinsic propensities, I will experience abundance in my life. The abundance that I receive, I naturally handle with respect and responsibility, understanding that satisfaction is not obtained by increasingly acquiring material goods through unnecessary activity. In the rajas mode I would equate money with feeling powerful and happy—although such assumptions repeatedly lead to excessive anxiety, lack of fulfillment and diminished self-respect. The Bhagavad Gita describes a person in this mode as “constantly desiring to desire,”18 without reference to the satisfaction and peace that lie within. Influenced by tamas, I would maintain a careless, reckless attitude, using money in a neglectful and wasteful manner, perhaps for addictive and destructive purposes.
An abundance mindset genuinely celebrates the accomplishments, victories and qualities of others. Living from abundance, we realize that there is more than sufficient joy, recognition and resources for everyone. Our sense of self-value is not derived from comparison, but rather from a secure and intrinsic experience of our worth. In abundance, my success is not dependent on the failure of someone else.
A paradigm of abundance actualizes as a win-win approach to relationships. Win-win means I assume that the success of others enhances my success, and my wins contribute to the well-being of others. From a perspective of win-win, I am committed to victory for everyone. Consider the following example. A small company has one vehicle. One manager is responsible to ensure that a shipment is delivered across town by 10 a.m., while the other manager has three clients to visit by the same time. In win-win consciousness there is no conflict or tension between these people. Neither is thinking, “I need the vehicle this morning.” Rather, there is a cooperative attitude of, “How can we both fulfill our responsibilities?” Neither manager actually needs the vehicle. What both managers actually need is for the merchandise to be delivered, and for all three clients to be treated with integrity. With the managers brainstorming together for the maximum benefit of their joint venture, they will likely arrive at several innovative ideas that meet everyone’s needs.
A win-lose paradigm assumes that if someone else wins, then I lose; or that if I win, then someone else loses. With reference to the above scenario, a manager with win-lose assumptions might think, “The other manager has had use of the vehicle for the past three days. I need it this morning. If he doesn’t deliver his shipment on time, that’s too bad for him. It’s not my problem.” A lose-win model of interaction could sound like this: “Okay, you take the vehicle. I guess I’ll just give up on those accounts I was hoping for, like I usually do…” (Thinking, “I’ll be the loser again. I’m used to it.”) Lose-win—rooted in personal insecurity—conveys the message that while your voice and needs matter, mine do not. This attitude is often accompanied by concealed resentment and hostility.
Lose-lose takes things further, where I act to take both of us down, ensuring success for nobody. With this mentality, one manager may view the other as an enemy, and while conceding the vehicle for the morning, may make plans for sabotaging the efforts of the other manager. Other variations of these relationships to success and winning include play-not-to-lose, which is a survival strategy focused on not losing rather than actually living vitally and winning, and don’t-play, where my fear of failure prevents me from any chance at success or true fulfillment.
We can conceive of win-lose as a rajasic approach to relationship, whereas lose-lose or lose-win mentalities—which require even less commitment than win-lose—are primarily influenced by the mode of tamas. Win-win entails sattvic consciousness, where we stand for our convictions while honoring those of others. It requires deep commitment because it is founded on a determination that everyone will be satisfied. This requires dedication to high-level communication, where we take responsibility not just for what we say, but for how our communication is received and the effect it has. Win-win synthesizes principles of empathy, assertiveness and clear intention to create profoundly satisfying results both interpersonally and professionally.
