Posts Tagged ‘responsibility’
FROM AYATAKSI
“What I got from the course: Honest work on my present conditioned state; possibility to get some valuable tools that can really change my life, if I continue to practice them in my every day life; change in the terms that I can honestly take full responsibility for my life. A very valuable course, very basic things but unknown to many of us. I will whole-heartedly recommend this course to all of my friends. This course is so much needed in our community.
I am grateful to David Wolf for his honest work, well designed, and motivated by only one thing, the well being of others. I have a picture in my mind of a teacher that teaches you to fly with your own wings and once you are ready, happily encourages you to continue to fly on your own, in your own space, on your own way. Thank you very much.”
LIVING WITH URGENCY: A Strategy for Freedom From Anxiety
An excerpt from a Life Mastery Program (LMP) group coaching call conducted by David Wolf, Ph.D.
David:
“On our first call we spoke about living our lives so that when we’re a hundred years old we look back without regrets. It’s about living with a sense of urgency. Urgency doesn’t mean anxiety, it’s not about living with panic and pressure; in fact, it’s just the opposite. When I’m living with urgency, I’m fully present in whatever I’m doing, whether I’m with my kids, reading a book, walking down the street, teaching a seminar, at my job. Whatever it is, I’m fully present, because life is precious and I don’t want to lose a moment worrying about the future or wallowing in the past. When we’re living with urgency, anxiety disappears. We’re not lamenting about the past or worrying about the future, though living in the present may involve planning for the future or productively analyzing the past. It’s actually freeing to be 100% present in each moment. It involves being available with our experience, with all our faculties. We’re talking about a conscious way of living. It’s not whimsical, it’s not reckless. There’s a difference between living in the moment and living for the moment. Living in the moment is with urgency. Living for the moment indicates living for some shallow purpose. I ask that at this point in the program we take a look at the extent to which we’re living with urgency, so that when I look back I’ll have no regrets. I’d like to read something by Martin Buber about presence. “In spite of all similarities, every living situation has, like a newborn child, a new face, that has never been before and will never come again. It demands of you a reaction that cannot be prepared beforehand. It demands nothing of what is past. It demands presence, responsibility; it demands you.”
RESPONSIBILTY
“When you pick up one end of the stick, you pick up the other. Therefore, if you decide to take responsibility for your circumstances, you automatically tap into the power to change them.”
Dr Stephen R Covey
FROM KAMSI
“The Advanced Seminar helped me learn how to take responsibility for everything I do and how to build relationships that will last forever. It opened me up to myself in such a way that made me realize that I was living/experiencing life only at 50%. Now I am choosing to live my life 100%.”
Kamsi
Advanced seminar – Florida November 2010
OPEN & HONEST
Excerpt From A Coaching Letter - By David B. Wolf
I hear that it is important for you to be open and honest with your mother. My suggestion, then, is to be open and honest with her. Be that way. And, respect and honor her for however she chooses to respond. She might be so appreciative, touched, and inspired. She might become angry, or hurt. I suggest that you take full responsibility for being open and honest. Your openness and honesty is 0% dependent on your mother, and 100% dependent on you. Go into this without expectations. Let however she responds be okay, while you are committed to continually being open and honest. Of course, you want to express your openness and honesty in a way that is as sensitive and empathic as possible, and I’ll be glad to consider with you how best to accomplish this. Being open and honest, express yourself as best as you are able, and give her space to respond as she chooses, and then you continue to be open and honest in relationship with your mother.
FROM DAVID
“This Satvatove 3 was similar to the first two seminars in some ways, but very different in many other ways. And I am hopeful that my sharing about it will attract others to do it themselves, because it’s not just more of the same (although that would also be great): it’s a whole other experience, on a new and different level.
It has catalyzed my being more the master and source of my experience: what I might call the freedom and creativity arising from taking responsibility for my life. In the seminar, there were structures, agreements, and ground rules in place, but I didn’t feel the strictness, or ‘pressure’, from the facilitators to follow them, as I had in the Advanced Course. Whether it was conscious or not (and I haven’t asked them yet), David and Marie seemed to be respecting – almost expecting us – and calling us in that way, to be in charge of our own time, punctuality, commitments, and agreements. I felt empowered and encouraged, respectfully, lovingly and firmly, to go beyond where I’d been; to be the leader I want to be; the creator and master of my own results.
The following statement is becoming more true for me because of that mood in the seminar: ‘Some people regard discipline as a chore. For me, it is a kind of order that sets me free to fly.’ The name of the seminar, ‘An Adventure in Conscious Living’, suits it to the ‘T’. I got new tools – and experiences of applying them – that will serve me the rest of my life!
Since the seminar, I’ve had many realisations and breakthroughs. Something unique with this one, is that it’s been more deep, subtle and gradual than with the first two. It has been building, and manifesting little by little (and often not so little). Probably one reason that it’s been like this, is because I got in touch with my courage, and saw more clearly that I had been choosing my fear over the courage. The result is that I’ve been more in action, and this has been snowballing.
Almost immediately, I started a new 12-session coaching package with David and Marie. That may not sound so surprising or ‘big’, but considering I’d been procrastinating about it, and giving into the fear around that, for more than a year, it’s very significant; especially when I’ve known all that time that it was the best thing I could do. Another thing I’m doing now, is to delete – or unsubscribe to – at least 50% of the e-mails I get, instead of letting them sit there, forever, thinking ‘Oh, one day I’m going to read this…’ This is apparently small, but it’s indicative of the clarity & decisiveness that started manifesting in the seminar, and is building.
I have never been in a seminar in which the two Satvatove co-founders were facilitating together. Although I know that behind the scenes they’re always collaborating deeply and powerfully, to be with them in the seminar and see them in action together was hugely inspiring and encouraging. To see these two highly committed, focused, powerful and loving personalities together, was an experience in itself, a model of the seminar’s name in action. And to see how sometimes their different, individual approaches came out, and how they spontaneously handled that.
There’s lots more, but I’ll finish here. I thank you, deeply, David and Marie, and Fayenen, for giving me such a rewarding opportunity. I will also be offering ideas and suggestions on possible ways to improve this new seminar, because I know that’s what you all want, and that that is the way that Satvatove works.”
David Aycrigg
Satvatove 3: An Adventure in Conscious Living – September 2010
OUR RESPONSIBILITY…
“Our responsibility is not to change others—though with our assertive expression they may change. Our responsibility is to assert our own truth in a manner that respects the rights of others.”
David B Wolf
INTEGRITY AND BOUNDARIES
Excerpt From Relationships That Work: The Power Of Conscious Living
- By David B. Wolf
To assert ourselves means to know ourselves. If I want to assert myself I need to know what I believe, what I feel, what I think and what is truly important for me. Thus, assertiveness is indispensable for a life of spiritual integrity. In examining my core principles, beliefs and aspirations, it is important to distinguish between what I think “should” be my principles, feelings and values, and what my actions actually reveal them to be. Such awareness is an important part of the process of spiritual development and genuine assertive expression.
Even if Robert’s reaction to his wife’s assertive expression is some form of fight or flight, Lisa’s assertiveness has assured that she is in her integrity. She has expressed her truth with courage and sensitivity. Our responsibility is not to change others—though with our assertive expression they may change. Our responsibility is to assert our own truth in a manner that respects the rights of others.
Additionally, with assertiveness Lisa establishes boundaries regarding how she is and is not willing to be treated. It is said that we teach people how to treat us, and with assertive expression we consciously give lessons on what we are and what we are not ready to tolerate. Personal power, including the ability to create satisfying boundaries, comes from effective communication.
Non-judgmental understanding is a valuable commodity. As you become a better listener, you may find that more and more people seek you out. This itself can present a challenge, one in which it is important to know how to establish personal boundaries. Being assertive means that we are able to maintain healthy boundaries that prevent us from becoming jaded, drained and of little use to anyone, without building walls that isolate us from others.
Knowing how to say no is an essential tool in creating boundaries. Influenced by a desire to please people and to be liked, we may lack the assertiveness to say no when we really want to. Let us keep in mind that if we say yes to something, we are implicitly also saying no to other things. For example, if I say yes to working overtime, I may be saying no to family or recreation time. Perhaps I am saying yes to fear of losing my job.
Proficiency in assertive expression keeps us energized and continually inspired to relate, give and contribute. Research among helping professionals has led to the development of a new field of study—compassion fatigue. This phrase refers to feelings of depletion from constantly absorbing the pain of others. Immediately following a traumatic event, such as a natural disaster or a violent attack, a team of helpers, including doctors, counselors, nurses and social workers, is sent to the scene. Nowadays, as a matter of course, a few days later a second team of mental health professionals is dispatched to address the compassion fatigue of the first team. It is understood that after being present for and intensely absorbing such intense grief for several days, many persons will naturally need intervention. This recognizes the importance of having sound boundaries in place when it comes to emotionally charged exchanges, and indicates the value of assertive communication. Preserving boundaries is integral to steadily participating in life and relationships with joy, appreciation and compassion.
RESPONSIBILITY
“The price of greatness is responsibility.”
Winston Churchill
LANGUAGE REFLECTS CONSCIOUSNESS
Excerpt From Relationships That Work: The Power Of Conscious Living
- By David B. Wolf
An important aspect of the courses I conduct is that the participants examine their lives from alternative perspectives, and change for the better as a result of that exploration. At the core of this examination are the principles of choice and responsibility. A stance of personal responsibility is the most effective attitude for living a life of excellence and creating the experience and results we desire.
In the seminars we spend time looking at how language affects and reflects consciousness. For example, we consider the expression “I can’t” in contrast to “I’m not willing to.” Through an experiential process, participants often realize that they use “I can’t” to express a sense of disempowerment, whereby the script of their lives is written by external forces, whereas “I am willing to” or “I am not willing to” reflects a consciousness of responsibility, personal power and choice. Frequently I hear participants say that “I can’t” feels easier to say, although “I’m not willing to” is more honest.
Several years ago I was conducting couples counseling. In one case a man would regularly lose his temper with his wife. Sometimes this would happen at especially precarious times, such as when they were driving on the highway. Understandably, this behavior damaged the relationship. The woman acknowledged that she had played a part in the situation, provoking him in various ways. The man said, when his wife prodded him with particular statements, in a certain tone of voice, “There’s nothing I can do. I can’t help it. I just become enraged at her.”
I proposed to him a hypothetical scenario. “Your wife has said what she says in the tone of voice with which you are so familiar. She has done that, and it is the moment before you explode with rage. The difference is that this time you know that if you don’t lose your temper, you’ll receive ten million dollars, tax free. Would you become enraged with your wife?” Some hesitation, then, “Well, if I knew I was getting ten million dollars…no, I guess not.”
“But wait a second. I don’t understand. You said that you couldn’t help it. There was nothing you could do. You just had to get enraged with your wife.”
“Yeah, but ten million dollars…”
“Okay, now this is a different ball game. Now I am understanding that you have a choice, and you’re choosing to get mad at your wife. You just indicated that you could make other choices, and you’re choosing anger in that situation.”
As long as the power for his anger is with his wife, or any external factor, there is not much room for progress in addressing this client. Once he acknowledges choice, there is something to work with. “You have choices. How come you’re deciding to lose your temper with your wife? What other possibilities are available?”
As director of an international child protection office, I worked with a forensic psychologist who assisted us in designing training for child protection team members. He specialized in therapy for sex offenders. He shared a technique he utilized when the sex offender would not accept responsibility for his actions.
“I was in the room with the girl and I couldn’t help myself…”
The therapist would then offer, “Okay, suppose it’s the same scenario. You are in the room with the nine-year-old girl. This time, though, the difference is that also in the room is a police officer with a handgun. Would you touch the girl?”
“With a cop there with a gun! Of course not.”
“But you said you couldn’t help it.”
“Yeah but if a cop is there with a gun I’m not going to touch the girl.”
“Okay, so you had a choice. You could have decided differently. How come you chose to molest the girl?”
In this way the psychologist helped the offender acknowledge that he had hundreds of choice points, at each one of which he made a particular response, which led to a distinct result. He chose to speak to the girl in a specific way; he chose to turn the doorknob, and so on and so on. At any of these choice points the man could have responded differently and created a different result. Once this person had recognized his responsibility, and acknowledged that his responses (or lack of them) had led to the final situation, the therapist could productively address issues with him.
