Posts Tagged ‘self-realization’
THE PRINCIPLES AND PROCESS OF PERSONAL COACHING
By David B. Wolf
What Actually Happens In A Life Coaching Session?
Most life coaching sessions, in my experience, begin with the client expressing a life area on which they want to focus. The life coach then enters the client’s world and demonstrates understanding of the client’s perspectives, emotions, and inner conversation. Such a climate of empathy becomes the driving force for transformation and self-realization for the client, and often for the coach as well.
Self-Introspection
In this safe environment the client gets to courageously introspect, lifting the lid to parts of the self that have until that point been less than conscious. With this raised awareness, and the supportively challenging presence of the life coach, the client encounters and addresses issues, fears, inspirations, patterns and connections, and maybe self-deceptions and unacknowledged strengths. Countless times we have witnessed this process lead to clarity about identity and life purpose, as well as resolve to boldly stretch limits and move forward to create a life consistent with one’s highest vision.
Focus On Experience
Melissa opened one life coaching session stating that she wanted to examine a specific relationship in her life, and asking the life coach for feedback on how I perceive her in connection with interpersonal relations. I shared my perceptions with her, and then endeavored to understand Melissa’s situation. In this attempt my listening focused not so much on the story or external details, but rather on Melissa’s experience and feelings, and on the meaning that Melissa gave this experience. My hope and intention was that Melissa felt safe, respected and secure, to honestly explore.
Self-Reflection Leading To Insights
This self-reflection resulted in fresh insights for Melissa. These realizations were painful, though also exhilarating for her to experience. She saw that in this particular relationship she did use principles and practices, such as win/win, full personal accountability, and avoidance of common roadblocks to communication consistent with highly effective interpersonal relations, and that the other person, most of the time, didn’t evince or employ such principles. Further, Melissa realized that her frustration, hurt and resentment stemmed from disappointment that this other person was not more evolved in his way of interacting with her.
With deeper consideration Melissa recognized that accompanying these feelings of hurt and disappointment were feelings of superiority. She got to feel right, better than the other person. Subtly, Melissa was playing the same right/wrong game for which she severely judged the other person. This was quite impactful for Melissa to acknowledge, and it led to contemplation and conversation about her insecurities that fueled her need to feel superior.
Commitments
This session closed with the client committing to herself and the life coach to complete a specific exercise that would facilitate her to concretely identify self-defeating beliefs surrounding the patterns she noticed during the session, and to doing focused journaling within a day after her contacts with this other person. Every productive life coaching session contains cultivation of self-awareness, and most effective sessions also include a specific plan of action.
Where Could Life Coaching Be Beneficial?
The above example relates to life coaching around relationships. The same principles and process are naturally applied to other areas of focus, including financial management, health, and spiritual practice. I encourage you to bring to mind an issue or challenge in your life that is emotionally-charged. Consider what it would look and feel like for you to parallel Melissa’s process, of taking inventory of what’s happening in an honest yet compassionate spirit. The next step includes peeling off the layers and seeing what’s beneath, and then playfully challenging yourself with a detailed action plan. In this process, you can also reflect on where in this self-coaching process your blind spots might be, and where a transformative coach, outside yourself, might be beneficial.
PERSONAL POTENTIAL AND THE POWER OF DISTINCTION
Personal potential. Who is this person with vast potential? This really is a vital question. Without clarity about it, or at least carefully considering it, we may find ourselves embodying the quote of former University of Texas football coach Darrell Royal- “Potential means you ain’t done it yet.”
Distinctions, Golf Clubs, and Powerful Questions
Knowledge is power, and knowledge comes from being able to make distinctions. We can realize this in any field of study or endeavor. No one gets excited in my household when I take a turn at cooking. Apparently I lack proficiency in making distinctions with regard to spicing, combinations of ingredients, etc. An expert golfer makes fine distinctions between each of the clubs in his bag. For a non-golfer a bag of 14 clubs might seem like, well, 13 too many.
The most essential science, or pursuit, is the science of self-realization, and thus it makes sense that capacity for distinction is crucial in our efforts at knowing ourselves, in realizing personal potential. Vedavyas, the compiler of the Vedas, a renowned source of ancient wisdom, stated “The highest truth is reality distinguished from illusion for the welfare of all.” This applies, firstly, to ourselves. Unlocking our personal potential is intrinsically connected with differentiating reality from illusion within ourselves. In applying this principle, we might productive ask ourselves questions such as “Where am I deceiving myself,” “What are my false assumptions,” “How do I limit myself,” “Where do I let fear get in the way,” “What am I withholding,” “Where might I be in denial,” “What have I been avoiding,” “In what ways am I playing a small game,” “What am I being right about,” “Where am I asleep at the wheel,” “What am I settling for,” “Where am I incomplete,” “How do I sabotage myself,” and “Where am I selling out on myself”.
To the extent that we realize ourselves as unique distinctions, with special contributions and purposes, we’ll be empowered to express our personal potential in distinctive ways. Often this requires courageous introspection to distinguish between that which is authentic, and what has been a convenient, albeit unsatisfying, facade. To quote Carl Rogers “…To remove a mask which you had thought was part of your real self can be a deeply disturbing experience…”
Insight, Action, and Realizing Personal Potential
While the Satvatove process of Transformative Communication includes introspection leading to empowered action, we also emphasize action that itself inspires inner transformation. As Jerome Bruner said, “You’re more likely to act yourself into feelings than feel yourself into action”. With this in mind, consider an area where your personal potential has stayed in “potential” for a lot longer than you’re comfortable with. What are three things you could do in the next week to transform potential into fulfilling action? These could be small, even apparently insignificant acts- still, express concretely what they are- mentally, or, better yet, in writing (people who write down their goals are substantially more likely to achieve them). …..Okay, now, of those three things, which of them are you ready to commit to actualize in the next week? To further solidify this exercise, consider sharing your commitment(s) with a friend, to engage them in supporting and challenging you in your process of transforming personal potential into an extraordinary life of fulfillment and distinction.
Satvatove Institute has facilitated thousands of people worldwide to discover and realize their personal potential. Write to coaching@satvatove.com or seminars@satvatove.com for information on the seminars, coaching, and coach training programs of Satvatove Institute.
SPIRITUAL LIFE COACHING WITH SATVATOVE INSTITUTE:
An Opportunity for a Fulfilling Career of Service to the Highest Aspirations of Humanity
The Satvatove Institute 
School of Transformative Coaching (SISTC) offers you an opportunity to master the art and science of spiritual life coaching. Principles and Practices of Transformative Coaching (PPTC), the foundational coach training course of SISTC, emphasizes the science of self-realization as a basis for facilitating others to achieve a life of profound fulfillment and extraordinary accomplishment.
“Science” indicates an experiential process within the context of a sound and complete philosophical model. Transformative Communication, as the theoretical and applied framework for the spiritual life coaching practiced and taught at Satvatove, provides principles for self-development solidly grounded in ancient wisdom traditions, integrated into an experiential learning model aligned with the most powerful, cutting edge practices of the human potential movement. This combination, unique to Satvatove Institute’s spiritual life coaching program, supports and challenges you to excellence, to being a potent force for your clients to live a life of sublime purpose that springs from the essence of their being.
Capacity to coach others is strongly correlated with the personal development of the coach, and thus PPTC focuses, along with training in skills, techniques and principles, on cultivating the self-awareness of the coach. By participating in Satvatove’s spiritual life coaching program, you’ll find your own personal spiritual realizations deepened and strengthened.
“The personal development aspect of the Satvatove Transformative Coaching Training Program has moved me a few quantum leaps forward in my intra-personal, interpersonal and spiritual growth. And, because of the incredible coaching skills I gained from Satvatove’s spiritual life coaching course, Principles and Practices of Transformative Coaching, I’ve had the confidence to step up and establish my Spiritual Life Coaching practice. I sincerely appreciate the depth of understanding about principles of coaching and transformation. This empowers me to be wise and flexible in supporting clients to discover paradigm-busting insights. Now I’m able to serve others, usually with remarkable results, doing something that is profoundly rewarding for me, and be well compensated financially for doing it.”
David Aycrigg- New Zealand
“Satvatove’s spiritual life coaching program has been one of the most powerful, enriching and transformative experiences in my life. I started the program wanting to develop and expand my ability to serve others in their personal growth and healing. I got so much more than what I could have envisaged or even bargained for! The service I wanted to give to others I found first for my own self through this program… I found the structure of the program very enlivening and empowering – within this structure I found enough framework to guide me alongside plenty of space to apply and integrate my own creativity and ideas. The content of this spiritual life coaching program was challenging, stretching and supportive. What I especially appreciated was that it was well-rounded and balanced… And lastly but definitely not least, the amount of care, support and nurturance I experienced throughout the program was a gift unsurpassed. All the energy and effort I put into the program I received a thousand-fold in return through unconditional support, constant care and compassionate challenge. I feel very fortunate and grateful for the opportunity this program offered by Satvatove.”
Fayenen Lathrenwen- Wales
“By going through the Satvatove spiritual life coaching program I entered deeply into what I believe is our nature – we all have the potential to manifest qualities that contribute to making the world a better place, because those qualities are inside each of us. The coach training powerfully supported me to manifest the qualities I have inside and offer them to the world. The integration of grounded and powerful skill development on a foundation of genuine spiritual principles makes the Satvatove coaching process complete. The Transformative Communication approach to coaching and coach training offers unmatched support to anyone who is interested in excellent communication, clear relationships and personal growth. This has been a tremendous experience in establishing myself as a coaching professional.”
Annette Bonomo- Switzerland
The next Principles and Practices of Transformative Coaching (PPTC) will begin in mid- to late September, 2011. It will be offered in the form of 36 2-hour teleclasses. This spiritual life coaching course is designed to facilitate distance learning, and thus physical presence at Satvatove’s headquarters in Florida is not required. To view the course syllabus, visit http://satvatove.com/syllabus.pdf. To register for the course, write to coaching@satvatove.com.
Dr. David Wolf, author of Relationships That Work: The Power of Conscious living and founder of the Satvatove Institute School of Transformative Coaching, has been training and supervising coaches, counselors and therapists for more than 30 years. His distinctive approach to spiritual life coaching, coach training, and personal transformation has impacted tens of thousands of people worldwide.
DR. DAVID WOLF AT THE MASTER OF INFLUENCE EVENT
Excerpts from Dr. David Wolf’s workshop, Transformative Communication: A Foundation for Powerful Living, at the Master of Influence event in Palm Springs, California, on November 5, 2010. Transformative Communication is an approach to self-realization founded in ancient wisdom, innovative yet simple communication strategies, and breakthrough transformational methods. Join David and the 1300+ participants as you get a glimpse into the power of conscious living that characterizes the Satvatove experience.
CONSCIOUSNESS IN THE RESULT & DETACHMENT FROM THE OUTCOME
Excerpt from group coaching correspondence with Dr David B. Wolf:
B: How are we to have consciousness in the result yet not be attached to the outcome?
D: By being focused on the result, and not how you will achieve said result, while remembering that if you achieve the result, you will be happy and fulfilled because you succeeded, and if you do not achieve the result, you will also be happy and fulfilled because you learned or will learn a valuable lesson from not succeeding, therefore Being happy and fulfilled either way 
David B. Wolf: I’m enlivened by B’s question, and D’s response. The question for me points to the heart of the process of self-realization, of spiritual growth- to cultivate caring and determined non-attachment. “Non-attachment” doesn’t mean apathy, or callousness. With our consciousness in the result we are fully committed, giving 100%. Simultaneously, as D describes, our experience of our essential qualities is not dependent on any particular external result. Such a consciousness illuminates the distinction between commitment, and attachment. We might mistakenly think that the more committed I am, the more attached I must be. Actually, being emotionally attached to a result, which is different than utilizing emotion to inspire us in giving fully, tends to get in the way of fully committing all our resources and energies towards our intended goal.
TO STARVE
“Men can starve from a lack of self-realization as much as they can from a lack of bread.”
Richard Wright
SELF-REALIZATION
“The process of self-realization is liberal, though not whimsical.”
David B Wolf
EMPATHIC SILENCE
Excerpt From Relationships That Work: The Power Of Conscious Living
- By David B. Wolf
In the novel Momo, Michael Ende creates the character of a young girl, who is a wonderful example of an empathic listener, and whose silent presence helps people connect with their inner truth. Momo receives a daily stream of visitors, eager to be close to her.
“Was Momo so incredibly bright that she always gave good advice, or found the right words to console people in need of consolation…? No, she was no more capable of that than anyone else of her age…what Momo was better at than anyone else was listening. She listened in a way that made slow-witted people have flashes of inspiration. It wasn’t that she actually said anything or asked questions that put such ideas into their heads. She simply sat there and listened with the utmost attention…fixing them with her big, dark eyes, and they suddenly became aware of ideas whose existence they had never suspected. Momo could listen in such a way that worried and indecisive people knew their own minds from one moment to the next, or shy people felt suddenly confident and at ease, or downhearted people felt happy and hopeful. And if someone felt that his life had been an utter failure, and that he himself was only one among millions of wholly unimportant people who could be replaced as easily as broken windowpanes, he would go and pour out his heart to Momo. And, even as he spoke, he would come to realize… he was absolutely wrong: that there was only one person like himself in the whole world, and that, consequently, he mattered to the world in his own particular way. Such was Momo’s talent for listening… Those who still think that listening isn’t an art should see if they can do it half as well.”
Silence itself is a potent listening tool, and can convey a grasp of another person’s emotions. While silence should not be used to avoid intimate and meaningful conversation, neither is it helpful to avoid silence due to feelings of discomfort. Often we fill silence with empty talk, fearing the vulnerability of silent connection. An attentive, caring silence is sometimes a more powerful way to heal and connect than the most carefully chosen and well-intentioned words. Actual silence means that the mind is also still. Silence doesn’t mean “empty.” It is a gateway to, and manifestation of, spiritual presence. Vedic scholar Bhaktivedanta Swami wrote, “Silence means that one is always thinking of self-realization.” It is said that God has given us two ears and one mouth, because we are meant to listen at least twice as much as to speak. The Bhagavad Gita describes true silence as a reflection of the divine within us. In empathic silence we are listening to what the other person is saying, not to what we are saying about what the other person is saying. That is, we are attuned to the person’s words and the emotion and intention behind the words, not to our judgments, planned responses or comments towards the other person’s self-expression. We are deeply listening, receiving another person with full presence, intense interest and an open heart. Such listening expands the spirits of both speaker and listener.
EMPATHY INSPIRES ACTION
Excerpt From Relationships That Work: The Power Of Conscious Living
- By David B. Wolf
In the safe and trusting environment created through empathic listening, we are inspired to explore deeply, which often leads to problem-resolution. We may have a great idea how to help someone resolve a challenge, or at least think we do. Reflective listening in sattva guna is based on the assumption that each of us possesses the capacity to handle his or her life with excellence. The necessary qualities and knowledge are within us. Usually it is more powerful to facilitate a person in generating his own solution rather than simply presenting him ours. If I arrive at an idea, I am more likely to commit to it and apply it in my life if it has not been provided by someone else. And often we find that our “great ideas” for someone else aren’t actually so great. Sometimes, because we did not carefully listen, our solutions are based on mistaken assumptions.
In the following case scenario Susan, supported by the reflections of the coach, augments her self-realization and concretizes an action plan.
Susan: I don’t want to encourage him. I think he may fall in love with me. Actually, he said that he is worried about this.
Coach: You’re afraid to give him encouragement. He expressed that he is worried about falling in love with you, and this scares you.
Susan: Yes. At the same time I like him. I don’t want to be unkind. I don’t know what to do.
Responding to the coach’s reflection of content and feeling, Susan broadens her exploration of the matter.
Coach: You want to be nice to him. You don’t want to be mean. You’re afraid to hurt his feelings. And also you’re fearful to attract him to fall in love. This is a conflict inside you.
Susan: Yes. I don’t know how to be with him. Before I was very natural.
Coach: You had a good friendship, and now you’re uncertain how to be with this person. You don’t want to falsely encourage him, and you don’t want to lose him from your life.
Susan: From my side also, I am afraid…to fall in love. But I value our friendship, and don’t want to lose that.
Like peeling the layers of an onion, Susan’s exploration, facilitated by the active listening of the coach, leads her to see beneath the surface of what she initially presented, and to focus on her fears and desires related to a romantic relationship.
Coach: You’re attracted to him, and you’re open to the possibility of a romantic relationship developing. Also, you are worried about losing your friendship with him.
Susan: And this has happened before. In my confusion I just pushed these men friends away. I would be mean.
Susan recognizes a pattern in her behavior, across time and relationships.
Coach: Your habit from the past is that you’d be unkind, and create a situation where they’d leave.
Susan: Yes, but I know I don’t have to be like that.
Through this empathic dialogue, Susan opens to new possibilities about how she can act in relationships. She does not need to be unkind or harsh to others, as a reaction to her own confusion and fear.
Coach: I hear that you really don’t want to put up a wall that will prevent you from whatever relationship could develop, and you know you don’t have to.
Susan: It’s a fear of myself, not trusting myself. Because I don’t trust myself, I don’t assert myself, and play games and put up walls. I don’t want to cause pain.
Coach: You’re scared to really stand for what’s true for you.
Susan: Yes. And it’s important for me to speak with him. I have been so withheld with him, and I do want to directly address this.
Susan clarifies that she wants to directly express herself to her friend about their relationship. For Susan, a result of being heard and understood is that she finds the courage to be clear, to abandon former ineffective relationship habits and to cultivate healthier ways of communicating and relating.
Coach: Just like you’re expressing yourself to me, you want to be able to do that with him, to talk with your friend about what’s going on between you and him.
Susan: He has shown a lot of courage. He did his part in sharing vulnerably with me. Now it’s time for me to do my part.
Coach: You want to reciprocate. He showed courage and you admire that, and now you want to be courageous with him. What’s your plan for this?
Susan: I will talk with him, by next Monday. As soon as possible.
Susan moves from confusion to clarity, and from commitment to action, through this transformative dialogue. Now, for the sake of comparison, suppose the listener had initially responded in the following way:
Susan: I don’t want to encourage him. I think he may fall in love with me. Actually, he said that he is worried about this.
Coach: Definitely you should speak with him. Share openly with him what’s true for you.
Though such advice may sound sensible, when the listener begins by advising, the client misses the opportunity for self-exploration and for generating his or her own personal realizations.
Real Life Personal Transformation: A Satvatove Before and After Experience
Hear and see Stephanie before and after participating in the Satvatove Institute 34-hour Transformative Communication and Self-Empowerment Seminar.
